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17 Future Headlines About the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich

Because the internet must kill everything it loves

Fried chicken sandwich on a bun, sitting atop a wrapper. Popeye’s

If you haven’t heard, Popeyes introduced a crispy chicken sandwich that a lot of people across America liked. The enthusiasm for this sandwich begat a brand Twitter war as well as four solid days of hot takes from writers debating its merits (by the way, more updates to come at!). Here’s a rough timeline of the internet buzz surrounding this sandwich:

Monday: The Popeyes Sandwich is Good!
Tuesday: The Popeyes Sandwich Is Good, but Hard to Acquire!
Wednesday: The Popeyes Sandwich Is Bad Because Fast Food Is Bad!
Thursday: The Popeyes Sandwich Is Whatever
Friday: ????

Imagine what future headlines will be written about this sandwich between now and Labor Day. Here are 17 possibilities, with potential publications that might run these stories:

  • How ‘The Matrix’ Predicted the Rise of the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich [Vulture]
  • Trump Calls Popeyes Chicken Sandwich a ‘Sad Excuse for a Taco’ [CNN]
  • ‘Old Town Road’ Is Back at No. 1 After Lil Nas X Releases ‘Popeyes Chicken Sandwich Remix’ [Pitchfork]
  • Popeyes Chicken Sandwich Replaces Sean Spicer on DWTS [People]
  • Alleged Jeffrey Epstein Madam Ghislaine Maxwell Photographed Eating Popeyes Chicken Sandwich [The Mirror UK]
  • Photo of Alleged Jeffrey Epstein Madam Ghislaine Maxwell Eating Chicken Sandwich Is a Hoax [Page Six]
  • Impossibly Hard Popeyes Chicken Sandwich Quiz Will Tell You Which Hogwarts Professor You Are [Buzzfeed]
  • This Tweet From the Popeyes Sandwich Could Bring Down Trump [HuffPo]
  • A Crisis of Faith in the Popeyes Line [Heated by Mark Bittman]
  • With Lines Out the Door, a Louisiana Kitchen Faces a Moment of Truth [NYT]
  • Fate of Spider-Man Film Franchise Hinges on Availability of Popeyes Chicken Sandwich [Hollywood Reporter]
  • The Popeyes Chicken Sandwich Is... Kind of Hot? [The Cut]
  • Joe Biden Likes Popeyes Chicken Sandwich, But Concedes That Chick-fil-A Is “Also A-Okay” [Vox]
  • I Sold Chloë Sevigny a Popeyes Chicken Sandwich (And It Was Weird) [Vice]
  • Who Needs the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich When I’ve Got a Dirty Water Dog in the Basement of Penn Station? [NYP; columnist Steve Cuozzo]
  • A Popeyes Chicken Sandwich Is Actually What’s Behind the Curtain in Trump Painting, “The Masterpiece’ [Fox News]
  • Black Rock City Is a Ghost Town as Burners Flock to Nevada Popeyes Instead [Boing Boing]

The Popeyes vs. Chick-fil-A War Will Be Fought Through Memes [E]