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Can Guy Fieri Please Play Ursula in ‘The Little Mermaid’?

Plus, one global power wants its soldiers to eat avocado toast, and more news to start your day

137th Kentucky Derby Harry How/Getty Images

Guy Fieri is the perfect flamboyant sea demoness

It might sound wild, but hear this idea out: Guy Fieri should be cast as glamorous sea demoness Ursula in the live-action remake of The Little Mermaid, which is currently drawing attention for its casting decision, particularly Halle Bailey as Ariel. As minor Twitter celebrity Dom Corona recently suggested, there’s quite a resemblance between the two, from matching spiked white hair, to a generally wide range of colors in and around their bodies. Both have husky, low voices that are inexplicably both scratchy and sharp, a clear penchant for gaudy, almost avant-garde sartorial choices, and both are true geniuses, oft-misunderstood by the plebeians that surround them in society.

Anyone who attended the Met Gala this year should take note: Fieri as Ursula is camp on a level that John Waters could only dream of. It’s a casting choice made in heaven. Oh, and based on his reaction online, it seems that Fieri is into it.

In other proposed celebrity food mash-ups, other corners of the internet are also requesting that Gordon Ramsay be cast as gastronomically-obsessed Chef Louis in the remake. A passable match-up, for sure, but certainly not on par with the sheer jouissance that would be Fieri as Ursula.

And in other news...

  • The British Army is reportedly switching up its breakfasts so that troops will consume smoothies and avocado toast in place of a much greasier full English breakfast option. So, it looks like the army won’t be buying a house anytime soon. [Insider]
  • Surely ripping off some Black Mirror fan-fic, IBM has created an artificial intelligence-driven “e-tongue.” After dipping its li’l sensors into various liquids, it can tell you whether or not they’re safe to drink. [Grub Street]
  • Reese’s is facing a lawsuit claiming that White Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are filled with lies and deception, because they have no chocolate in them. [Takeout]
  • Which Pokémon would make the best meal? A bunch of chefs weigh in, although this just opens up a Pandora’s box of more questions, like: if Grass-type Pokemon are sentient, can vegans eat them? And what’s the deal with this cream-themed Pokemon? [Mel]
  • The New York Post tested out a real-life “drunk yoga” class and found that it is “more gimmick than gym session.” [NYP]
  • A petition for McDonald’s to cut toys has taken off — the people behind it argue that they’re a waste of plastic. [WSJ]
  • It turns out you shouldn’t disguise large quantities of meth as take-out Mexican food, a Los Angeles man has learned. Now that’s a spicy burrito! [LA Times]
  • Rotisserie chicken, etc., suburban staple Boston Market might be tanking: It just killed off 10 percent of its stores. [NRN]

All AM Intel coverage [E]