Can Guy Fieri Please Play Ursula in ‘The Little Mermaid’?

Guy Fieri is the perfect flamboyant sea demoness

It might sound wild, but hear this idea out: Guy Fieri should be cast as glamorous sea demoness Ursula in the live-action remake of The Little Mermaid, which is currently drawing attention for its casting decision, particularly Halle Bailey as Ariel. As minor Twitter celebrity Dom Corona recently suggested, there’s quite a resemblance between the two, from matching spiked white hair, to a generally wide range of colors in and around their bodies. Both have husky, low voices that are inexplicably both scratchy and sharp, a clear penchant for gaudy, almost avant-garde sartorial choices, and both are true geniuses, oft-misunderstood by the plebeians that surround them in society.

Anyone who attended the Met Gala this year should take note: Fieri as Ursula is camp on a level that John Waters could only dream of. It’s a casting choice made in heaven. Oh, and based on his reaction online, it seems that Fieri is into it.

In other proposed celebrity food mash-ups, other corners of the internet are also requesting that Gordon Ramsay be cast as gastronomically-obsessed Chef Louis in the remake. A passable match-up, for sure, but certainly not on par with the sheer jouissance that would be Fieri as Ursula.

And in other news...

• The British Army is reportedly switching up its breakfasts so that troops will consume smoothies and avocado toast in place of a much greasier full English breakfast option. So, it looks like the army won’t be buying a house anytime soon. [Insider]
• Surely ripping off some Black Mirror fan-fic, IBM has created an artificial intelligence-driven “e-tongue.” After dipping its li’l sensors into various liquids, it can tell you whether or not they’re safe to drink. [Grub Street]
• Reese’s is facing a lawsuit claiming that White Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are filled with lies and deception, because they have no chocolate in them. [Takeout]
• Which Pokémon would make the best meal? A bunch of chefs weigh in, although this just opens up a Pandora’s box of more questions, like: if Grass-type Pokemon are sentient, can vegans eat them? And what’s the deal with this cream-themed Pokemon? [Mel]
• The New York Post tested out a real-life “drunk yoga” class and found that it is “more gimmick than gym session.” [NYP]
• A petition for McDonald’s to cut toys has taken off — the people behind it argue that they’re a waste of plastic. [WSJ]
• It turns out you shouldn’t disguise large quantities of meth as take-out Mexican food, a Los Angeles man has learned. Now that’s a spicy burrito! [LA Times]
• Rotisserie chicken, etc., suburban staple Boston Market might be tanking: It just killed off 10 percent of its stores. [NRN]

• All AM Intel coverage [E]