German Airline to Give Michelin-Starred Meals to Fancy Babies, but Not Adults

Children are the future, so enjoy your shitty meal, adults

Want to eat Michelin-level airline food? Well, all you’ll have to do is fly to Germany, convincingly pretend to be younger than 12, and you’ll be set. German national airline Lufthansa tapped chef Alexander Herrmann, known for two-Michelin starred restaurant Alexander Herrmann by Tobias Bätz specifically to put together a new kids’ menu for the airline.

So, adults, you’ll still be stuck with, like, a plate of dry microwaved spatzle and some limp sauerkraut, while your offspring — probably not even grateful that you’ve stuffed them into a high-speed metal tube to fly them across the globe — will tuck into rice pudding mousse with berries and “dragon feet”, a cutesy, ultra-German dish of sausages with piped mashed potato, and some sauerkraut texturing, shaped like a dragon. It’s available to all kids on longer flights, not just high-wealth brats in business class. Is it unfair that only under-12s get this treatment? Perhaps, but they’re also inheriting a planet that may be scarred into oblivion by excess burning of fossil fuels from flying all over the place, so it’s the least we can do to make up for the impending apocalypse.

And in other news...

• Speaking of food for children, McDonald’s is planning to add spicy chicken tenders and sandwiches to its menu. We suppose that the “spicy” part makes it an acceptable grown-up food. [Business Insider]
• McDonald’s isn’t the only brand that thinks its customers are regressing to childhood tastes: Sour Patch Kids has succumbed to the demands of embarrassingly picky eaters with new bags containing just one color and flavor of the candy. [Insider]
• Meat-lovin’ agriculture secretary Sonny Perdue tasted an Impossible Burger and admits that it’s “very good”. [Bloomberg]
• If your sad summer plans were “go to the Taco Bell hotel” and nothing else, bad news: It sold out within two minutes. [Desert Sun]
• A data-mining study of food product reviews on Amazon suggests that not everyone prefers their foodstuffs sugared to the max: customers complain more often about food being too sweet than other taste factors. [Food Dive]
• Mark Bittman’s e-pub ponders “which is the least evil fast food chain?” based on workers’ conditions, food ethics, and so forth. [Heated]
• Hot dog, we have a wiener: New York City sausage squeezer Feltman’s made a five-foot long hot dog — the world’s largest. [USA Today]

• All AM Intel Coverage [E]