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The Brands Are (Literally) Too Horny and Must Be Stopped

A Netflix thread is ruining sex, and food, for everyone

A white man whispering in a white woman’s ear in bed © Can Stock Photo / Bialasiewicz

Over the past week, a Twitter meme asking “What’s something you can say during sex and [X]?” has proliferated, which has resulted in almost universally stupid questions and answers. The latest comes from Netflix, which asks “What’s something you can say during sex but also when you manage a brand Twitter account?” It’s the sort of meme participation posed by a bored social media employee to other bored social media employees, and an easy way to get engagement.

But if it cemented one thing, it’s that none of these food brands are good at sex.

Yes, technically you can say all of these things during sex, but Lord should you not. How is “you can go elbow deep in me” something you can say when you manage a social media account? What does two-minute sex have to do with chunky soup?? Is this whole thing just an IRL version of that Sara Lee SNL skit?

Initially we were going to rank every food brand’s response, but given that they are all the worst, it seemed pointless. Unless you have some very specific tastes (and we are not here to yuck anyone’s yum), hearing your partner say “nice hot pocket” is going to kill the mood for at least an hour. The point may be to keep these food brands top of mind, or to dick around on a slow day on Twitter, but the result is so off-putting as to make the ideas of both sex and food unappealing.

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