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The Unbearable Weirdness of Starbucks’ New Holiday Cups

19 things this sequined, glittered, and otherwise odd merch actually looks like

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Starbucks Holiday cups 2018
Right: Black Sequins Cold Cup; Right: Flow Glitter Cold Cup

This week, Starbucks released a new line of holiday merchandise, and at the top of the list are reusable cups printed, glazed, painted, and bedazzled with new designs for 2018. To be clear, these aren’t the famous red holiday Starbucks cups which cause a craze every year — either because they signify the impending arrival of the December holidays or because they “aren’t Christmas-y enough.” We’re still waiting for those disposable paper cups to hit Starbucks stores, but until then, here are a handful of new plastic and ceramic reusable cups from the coffee giant.

The thing is, they look... unlike any holiday-themed cups we’ve seen before. Here, now, 19 things these designs do look like (spoiler: Christmas isn’t one of them):

Double Wall Ceramic Sparkle Blend Tumbler

  1. Joshua Tree (the national park, not the U2 album)
  2. A pensive selfie taken from inside Antelope Canyon
  3. An image from a 1970s-era geology textbook
  4. A themed cup for a desert festival
  5. A Coachella 2016 flier

Flow Glitter Gold Cup

  1. A Burger King cup, frankly
  2. A cheeseburger, more generally
  3. Desert-themed sand art
  4. Georgia O’Keeffe during her Southwest period
  5. A redesigned McCafe cup

Black Sequins Cold Cup

  1. Teresa Giudice, for some reason
  2. A prom dress from the early 2000s
  3. Something Liza Minnelli would wear
  4. A really bad wedding clutch

Iridescent Cold Cup

  1. Ice Princess, the 2005 movie starring Michelle Tratchtenberg
  2. The ice castle from Frozen
  3. The dress Christina Aguilera wore when she won the Grammy for Best New Artist
  4. Those bedazzled phone cases that were hot in the early 2000s
  5. Ivana Trump

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