‘Chef’s Table’ Star Francis Mallmann Wants to Save Vegans From Their Boring Vegetables

Meat zealot Francis Mallmann sees a dystopian future without meat

Francis Mallmann, the Chef’s Table star, flesh-and-blood caricature of white-male chefdom, emperor of all grilled meats, is now working on —gasp — a vegan cookbook. This development has come about thanks to an epiphany of Mallmann’s: “In 30 more years, we won’t eat any more animals,” he tells Bloomberg. While Mallmann’s acceptance of a meatless life is no doubt sad, the silver lining is the he will finally give vegans a reason to live.

“My aim is to make main dishes for vegans which will be like a steak,” he says. “I want them to feel that they sit down for lunch or dinner and they eat something as substantial as a steak.”

There’s no word on when Mallmann’s as-of-yet-untitled cookbook will arrive to save vegans from their terrible, non-meat-like vegetables.

Starbucks continues its quest to take over the world

Seattle-based coffee giant isn’t slowing down anytime soon. The chain will open 2,100 more locations around the globe next year, reports CNN. Chief executive officer Kevin Johnson said in an earnings report Thursday that his company will be focusing its growth in the United States and China.

Starbucks sales were up in the most recent quarter, per Bloomberg, and the chain’s new line of healthier food and beverages is receiving the credit. It is also becoming more efficient in rolling out fresh products. Newly created beverages are making their way from the Starbucks lab to cafes in as little as 100 days, compared to 18 months before a recent corporate restructuring.

And in other food news ...

• Jordan Peterson, favored psychologist of right-wingers everywhere, is not enjoying his all-beef diet, despite its supposed health benefits. “It isn’t something I would likely recommend,” he says. “It’s a little hard on your social life. It makes traveling quite difficult. And it’s dull as hell.” [GQ, The Cut]

• Wow, kudos to WeWork for implementing a four-beer limit on the people tapping into its free kegs at the company’s shared office spaces. That’s really forcing some impressive restraint on workers who want to booze throughout the day. [Wall Street Journal]
• The United States economy added more than 40,000 jobs in the hospitality sector last month. [Bureau of Labor Statistics]
• In 1945, futurists imagined homes in the decades to come would have built-in waffle makers and rotisseries. Blame Costco for crushing the home-rotisserie industry. [Gizmodo]
• In other Costco news, the bulk-grocery behemoth is selling giant wine glasses for $80. These are meant to be decorative and not at all to be used as a vessel for the amount of wine necessary to cope with regular daily life in 2018. [Bustle]
• Finally, Lexus most assume drivers interested in the company’s cars are huge winos. This new model comes with a wine refrigerator and wine glass cabinet in the trunk, plus another compartment for another bottle of wine. [Food & Wine]