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Ruin Thanksgiving With This ‘Trumpkin Pie Martini’

The perfect cocktail to wash down heaping helpings of misery

A Trumpkin Pie Martini Trump National Golf Club Los Angeles/Facebook

It’s almost Thanksgiving, that sacred American holiday that brings families together around the dinner table for autumnal home-cooked meals, lovingly prepared by — you know what? Scratch that. The prevailing political/social/everything climate is terrible, and if it’s just too much to bear, go ahead and lean into it. Presenting: the Trumpkin pie martini. It’s the perfect seasonal cocktail to wash down — and embrace — the heaping helpings of misery that come with being at all aware of current events and the daily activities of America’s increasingly absent president. It’s now available at the Trump National Golf Club Los Angeles.

“Get into the spirit of fall with our featured November drink, the Trumpkin Pie Martini!” reads a tweet from the golf club’s official Twitter account. “This beautifully crafted drink encompasses the best flavors of the holiday season and makes for an excellent drink and dessert.” That is some on-the-nose Trumpian language, isn’t it?

The tweet does not include a recipe, but if the cocktail is made with all the subtlety and nuance of Donald Trump’s domestic and foreign diplomacies, one can safely bet it is prepared by dumping a glug from the nearest bottle of booze and a slice of pumpkin pie into a blender, flipping the switch, and pouring the resulting immersion into a martini glass. Top with whipped cream, garnish with a cinnamon stick, et voilà.

So, cheers, enjoy a Trumpkin pie martini this Turkey Day. Or, climb out of your cycle of rage and depression and consume any other beverage you can find.

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