It’s Officially Too Goddamn Early for Pumpkin Spice

The annual scourge that is pumpkin spice-flavored everything is already upon us. Yes, despite the fact that the northern hemisphere is still deep in the throes of summertime, the seasonal gourd invasion has already begun, bursting in like an autumnal orange Kool-Aid Man in an attempt to usher snow cones and lobster rolls out the door far too soon.

Indeed, various pumpkin spice-flavored abominations are already cropping up on grocery store shelves across the nation, including:

Pumpkin spice-flavored Werther’s Originals (hear that? It’s the sound of my great-grandmother rolling in her grave):

Life cereal (Mikey hates it, I assure you):

Milano cookies (IS NOTHING SACRED???):

Gym rats need their pumpkin spice fix too, meaning it now comes in protein powder form:

Not even your dog is safe this year (!!):

Starbucks, arguably the progenitor of this entire seasonal flavor debacle, is also already pushing its pumpkin spice wares in the form of flavored coffee beans:

Thankfully, the company’s (in)famous pumpkin spice latte hasn’t made its yearly comeback just yet; last year it made its seasonal debut on September 1, meaning we may have a few relatively blissful weeks ahead of us before our Instagram feeds transition from frosé to PSLs. In the meantime, brace for pumpkin spice M&Ms, frozen waffles, hummus, and dozens of other foods that frankly should never be uttered in the same sentence as “pumpkin spice.”

• Some of Your Favorite Pumpkin Spice Treats Are Already Here [9News]
• 65 Foods That Have No Business Being Pumpkin Spiced [E]