Hide Your Kids, Candy-Flavored Cheese Is Here

I don’t have children, but based on my limited observations of small humans, they seem to survive primarily on a diet of Go-gurt and string cheese. Now, the dairy industry is pandering to its pint-sized consumers with a bizarre new product: cheese that tastes like candy.

Aptly named “Cow Candy,” the Monterey jack cheese sticks in flavors such as fruit punch, grape, orange, and strawberry will soon be invading a grocery store near you, replete with kid-bait Transformers and My Little Pony-adorned packaging.

As a former child, I certainly understand picky eating woes — for my entire grade school career, I subsisted mainly on chicken nuggets — so assaulting something non-kid-friendly like kale or beets with sweet fruit flavoring seems logical, if not exactly sensible. But don’t children generally already like cheese? Tainting it with grape or fruit punch seemingly sets a precedent that everything a kid puts in their mouth should taste like candy, which seems like a tough charade to keep up.

Is candy-flavored cheese what happens when you feed cows Skittles? What's next, candy-flavored chicken tenders? WHERE DOES IT END?

• Fruit-Flavored Cheese for Kids Baffles Parents [Press Release]
• Why Are Cows in Wisconsin Feasting on Skittles? [E]
• More IDK Coverage [E]