Pizza Hut's Grilled Cheese Pizza Is Just Wrong

American fast-food chains' incessant stunt foods arms race marches on: Today, Pizza Hut unveiled the Grilled Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza, the newest iteration of its infamous stuffed crust monstrosities.

A mashup of two of America’s most beloved foods of all time, grilled cheese and pizza, seems like an obvious win, but this item has multiple fatal errors.

One: It's not grilled. Instead, the chain has topped the stuffed crust with breadcrumbs and melted butter in an attempt to mimic the sandwich. Two: There is no American cheese in sight. Instead, it’s stuffed with cheddar and mozzarella. While a grilled cheese can in theory be made with any number of cheeses, any red-blooded American knows that American cheese — a la Kraft Singles — is required to make the One True Grilled Cheese. Otherwise, this is just an excessively cheesy pizza sprinkled with greasy breadcrumbs.

Pizza Hut has a knack for stuffing the crusts of its pizza with various items: Beginning in 1995 it was just cheese, but in recent years the Stuffed Crust Pizza phenomenon grew to include tater tots, garlic knots, and even hot dogs with a side of mustard, to regrettable result. There was also that amazing mini cheeseburger crust pizza in the Middle East, which raises the question: Why didn't they surround the crust of this new creation with tiny grilled cheese sandwiches? Dare to dream a little, Pizza Hut.

• I Survived Pizza Hut’s Hot Dog Bites Pizza [E]
• All Novelty Foods Coverage [E]

Burger King Turned Their Whopper Into a Burrito