America Waits With Bated Breath to Find Out Donald Trump’s Cholesterol Levels

This morning Donald Trump taped an appearance on the daytime TV scourge that is the Dr. Oz Show; it won’t air till Thursday, meaning the world has roughly 24 hours to sit and ruminate on what shattering revelations the presidential candidate has in store for us.

As the New York Times reports, Dr. Oz will give his audience a full rundown of Trump’s current physical state, including but not limited to his hormone levels, the current state of his prostate, his dermalogical history, and his "gastrointestinal health."

While America is undoubtedly dying to know how many moles Trump may or may not have had removed in his lifetime, we probably already know too much about his gastrointestinal situation thanks to the many Instagrams and tweets documenting his private jet Big Mac dinners and taco bowl lunches.

While Dr. Oz is, as his title indicates, an actual M.D., he’s become famous for touting highly dubious advice — like that time he declared saffron "a miracle appetite suppressant," or the multiple occasions on which he’s featured psychic mediums on his show. In fact, in a 2014 study, researchers were unable to find any evidence to support nearly 40 percent of the claims made on Dr. Oz’s show.

But Dr. Oz won’t actually be poking and prodding Trump himself. Rather, as the Times notes, he’ll simply be "read[ing] from a piece of paper," presumably supplied by the very same doctor who hurriedly wrote in an evaluation that Trump "will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency."

Meanwhile, CNN reports that Trump told Dr. Oz he wants to lose 15 pounds, which would probably be pretty easy if he just cut out those in-flight buckets of KFC.

• Quick Rundown of Donald Trump’s Medical Exam Is Offered on ‘Dr. Oz’ [NY Times]
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