Why Won't Donald Trump Touch Food With His Hands?

Donald Trump has based his entire Presidential campaign on being a no-nonsense, tell-it-like-it-is kind of guy. (You know, the kind of no-nonsense guy that lives in a penthouse with a gilded, diamond-encrusted front door.) His gloves-off, confrontational style has sold thousands of "Make America Great Again" baseball caps and seemingly clinched him the Republican nomination. And yet, all of this seems completely at odds with his decidedly dainty eating style. Once knocked for eating New York-style pizza with a fork, it seems The Donald hasn't been photographed eating anything with his hands since at least the 1980s.

Of course, rich people foods — caviar, steak, foie gras — often aren't eaten with the hands. But for being a billionaire The Donald has decidedly plebeian taste in food, saying he loves to eat at McDonald's. So where are all the photos of him pawing Big Macs?

Here's s a very young Donald holding a hot dog — frankly, he looks more like a Price Is Right model than someone who's about to eat lunch. In this Pizza Hut commercial from 1995 Donald and Ivana eat pizza with their hands, but it seems that may have been the last time Trump touched food with his bare hands.

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Yesterday he "celebrated" Cinco de Mayo by eating a "taco bowl." A taco salad? Really, Donald? A taco salad is just something created by people who wanted tacos but simultaneously wanted to fool themselves into believing they're eating healthy (or, in Trump's case, use a fork without looking like a weirdo).

Here's that whole pizza-with-a-fork debacle. Look, even Sarah Palin is laughing at him.

Trump has been vocal about his boycott of Oreo cookies. He claims it's because parent company Mondelez moved a portion of its manufacturing from the U.S. to Mexico, but could it also be because you can't eat sandwich cookies with a fork? Oreo competitor Hydrox has sent cookies to his campaign, but no one has actually seen The Donald eat any. Just saying.

At last year's Iowa State Fair, Trump came dangerously close to touching food with his hands when he ate this pork chop on a stick (an Iowan specialty). Note the slight grimace, the napkin to protect his delicate mitts, and the "Make America Great Again" ball cap pulled low over his face.

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Here's Trump eating an ice cream bar at a Cleveland Cavaliers game in 2005; once again, saved by the stick. (It's safe to say Trump would not be a fan of the Choco Taco, for multiple and obvious reasons.)

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Why doesn't Trump want to eat food with his hands? Maybe he just really wants to keep his nails clean due to all the constant finger-pointing he does:

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Or maybe Trump just has really excellent table manners that would make Emily Post proud. After all, he did publicly scold fellow candidate John Kasich about his eating habits, saying, "I have never seen a human being eat in such a disgusting fashion. ... This guy takes a pancake and he’s shoving it in his mouth. It is disgusting. Do you want that for your president?" (Coincidentally — or not? — Kasich dropped out of the race shortly thereafter.)

Just kidding, Trump obviously doesn't want be photographed holding food because it will further highlight his very tiny hands. Going forward, let's all give this terrifyingly serious contender for the presidency the respect he deserves: From henceforth, all Trump-inspired burgers must be sliders.