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Doritos Roses Ensure Elegantly Bad Breath This Valentine's Day

Too bad they're only available in Canada.


Cupid's Day of reckoning approaches, but what do you buy for the lover that has everything? Jewelry is too expected, and a heart-shaped box of chocolates is so trite. No, for the discerning sweetheart with a certain appreciation for the most finely crafted of artificial color-laden junk foods, this year only a bouquet of long-stemmed Doritos roses will do.

Lovingly cultivated by hand by a team of tortilla chip horticulturists, these crunchy flowers are not dusted with zesty Cool Ranch seasoning, but rather a more seasonally-appropriate red flavoring: ketchup. That's right, you can thank our neighbors to the north in Canada for these bizarrely-flavored floral specimens.

Tragically for America, the bouquets are only available in Toronto, Vancouver, and Montreal — but Canadians can get this highly sophisticated floral arrangement delivered to their lover's door (for free, no less) by hitting up beginning today. Depending on your significant other's viewpoint, expect either an instant marriage proposal or a prompt breakup text.