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Fake Bernie Sanders Yells About Broth and Greek Yogurt on Twitter


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Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders — or, as some prefer to call him, Bernie Sandwich — has earned himself a reputation for being rather shouty. See, ol' Bern is awfully passionate about issues like free college tuition, universal healthcare, and climate change, and sometimes that means he's got to yell about it.

The 2016 presidential election is getting more intense by the day, but thankfully there are parody Twitter accounts like @berniethoughts to lighten the mood. Brought to you by a New York-based writer named Spencer Madsen, you can almost see the vigorous hand gestures Sanders would be using to emphasize the thoroughly ridiculous all-caps statements. As Madsen explained to Mic recently, he thinks of Bernie's voice as being "overwhelmingly earnest, if a little strange," and his version of the passionate politician also has a lot of opinions about food.

Here, the most thought-provoking statements from the mind of @berniethoughts in 140 characters or less — but first, a textbook example of Bernie's impassioned way of speaking, which is precisely the tone in which all these tweets should be read.

Is there a corn dog conspiracy theory at work at the highest levels of the U.S. government?

Yeah, what is the deal with one-percenters and their relentless juicing?

As a self-proclaimed socialist, perhaps it's not surprising that fake Sanders might consider dipping his fries in mayonnaise, European-style:

Bernie contemplates the mystery of pizza:

As a Brooklyn native, Bernie knows the truth about bagels:

Eggs, man.

If you're having trouble deciding who to vote for, perhaps you should take culinary preferences into consideration.

What does Bernie eat to refuel after campaign rallies and debates?

This admittedly would be more entertaining than another Democratic debate:

Hold on, somebody check Bernie's voting records on this.

Existential thoughts on candy bars:

Greek yogurt is probably stressed due to the uneven wealth distribution in this country.

How many cups of coffee had fake Bernie consumed when he came up with this one?

Okay fake Bernie, time to step away from the keyboard.

Bernie on the culinary phenomenon that is broth:

A brief window into what the Bernman does in his spare time:

Now this is a government regulation we can get behind:

Maybe one of Bernie's acts as president can be to send Sun Chips into space to meet their maker.

Don't we all.

Under Sanders's regime, Bobby Flay will be forced to answer for his sins:

And condiment treachery will be a thing of the past: