11 Bizarre Food Gifts Your Valentine Doesn’t Want

Valentine’s Day is generally enough of a drag on its own, what with the pressure to snag a reservation, present an overpriced bouquet of flowers, and, uh, perform. Don't ruin it further by gifting something dumb like a bouquet of roses made out of bacon or any of these truly weird gifts. What do food companies think lovers want, anyway? Ranked in order of weirdness, below are the 11 strangest food-related gifts marketed for Valentine's Day, from nerdy fun to just plain gross.

11. Klingon Bloodwine

Vinport/Facebook

Trekkies rejoice for this Klingon Bloodwine. While the rest of us may not be too impressed by this blend of Malbec, Syrah, and Petit Verdot, Star Trek fans may crack a smile at this gift. It can be drunk warm, as the Klingons recommend, or slightly chilled at around 60 degrees. It boasts the bat'leth (sword of honor) on the label and the traditional Klingon phrase, "Celebrate! Tomorrow we may die!" Romantic.

10. Chocolate Boobs

Amazon

While women are usually the ones to receive chocolates on Feb. 14, these are geared toward the male gender. The package of six includes three in white chocolate and three in milk chocolate shaped in mini replicas of a bust.

9. Double Hearts Steak Branding Iron

Texas Irons

A strange way to show your steak some love, this Texas Irons Double Hearts Steak Branding Iron has mixed reviews on Amazon. While the stainless steel gadget promises to bring a romantic vibe to your next cookout, it will probably end up at the bottom of your kitchen drawer.

8. Ghost Pepper Super Hot Candy Balls

ThinkGeek

Nothing says "love" like a warning label. These ghost pepper candies are made with real ghost peppers inside and dusted with ghost pepper powder on the outside. But, just in case that's not enough heat, they also contain a dash of Trinidad scorpion pepper, as well. All in all, they contain 1 million SHU of heat. They promise to be the hottest balls you've ever had. Tip: Wash your hands immediately after touching them.

7. Chocolate Ramen

If you've never eaten a bowl of ramen and thought to yourself, "Hey, this would be better with chocolate in it," then join the rest of us. However, a small Tokyo chain made this combination a reality just in time for Cupid's favorite holiday. Mensho Ramen's chocolate ramen features actual chunks of chocolate that are big enough to grab with your chopsticks. However, the company recommends you allow the pieces to melt into the broth and coat your unsuspecting noodles. Here's hoping Mensho brings this weird concoction to its first U.S. location in San Francisco.

6. I Love You More Than Pickles Gift Basket

AlwaysFits.com

Do you and your partner love pickles more than Snookie? Then you may appreciate this basket filled with pickle-flavored goodies. It includes 10 items: Pickled-flavored candy, pickle salt, pickle sunflower seeds, pickle lip balm, frozen pickle pops, conversation hearts, gum, pickle-flavored chips, and two pickles. Just to be safe, we recommend you have a back-up gift handy.

5. Salami Bouquet

Olympic Provisions

Skip the roses and gift your Valentine a bouquet of salami instead. It's offered with three stems, six stems, or a whopping 13 stems of cured meat from France, Italy, Spain, and Greece. Go crazy and add a bottle of wholegrain mustard ($8), a cutting board ($20), or an Opinel knife ($22).

4. Be Mine Bean

Dunecraft

Is there really a better way to declare your love than with a bean? Probably. But this bean plant by Dunecraft promises to be a fun gift for the patient lover. In five days, the plant will sprout a set of beans that are engraved with the words "Be Mine."

3. Tobacco Flavored Vodka

DrinkSpirits/Facebook

What do you get for the smoker who has everything? Tobacco flavored vodka, of course. Created by Ivanabitch Vodka, it's described by the brand as "bold, yet deeply satisfying, with mysterious hints of butterscotch and spice." It even comes in a minty menthol variety. While it is nicotine-free, according to FoodBeast, it tastes exactly like cigarettes. Yum.

2. Doritos Roses

Courtesy Doritos

While a bag of Doritos might not be enough to win your crush's heart this V-Day, perhaps assembling them into a bouquet of artificially colored roses may do the trick. Unfortunately for junk food lovers in America, these bad boys are only available in Canada. But, you can get your Martha Stewart on and create them yourself with a few simple steps. Bonus: They're ketchup flavored.

1. Edible Chocolate Anus

Edible Anus

Heart-shaped chocolates are so cliche. This year, think outside the box and gift your love a set of butthole-shaped chocolates. If you really think about it, there is no better or more unique way to say "I love you."