Update: This story was originally published on December 27, 2016 and has been updated.
Opening a beverage isn’t typically laden with pomp and circumstance; jaws don’t often drop when the tab is cracked on a Coke can, or when the cap is wrenched off of a beer. No wonder people are obsessed with the art of sabrage — what could be cooler than opening a bottle of Champagne with a sword?
Unless you mess it up, transforming the bottle into a frothy hand grenade. In short, there are better ways to pop a bottle of bubbly. Take a lesson from these ill-conceived attempts at sabering maybe consider not opening your Champagne with a sword?
Even the experts miss sometimes. Going into round two, you can almost hear the trepidation in the host’s voice. He knows he’s about to get drenched in fancy French booze.
This gentleman takes a swing and a miss on his first attempt. His second is even worse.
Definitely do not chop at the Champagne neck as if you were hacking into poultry.
Sabrage requires a strong grip, too. Don’t learn the hard way.
Definitely don’t just drop the bottle.
Never underestimate the importance of using a strong blade.
Even if you start out confident in your sabrage skills, there’s a good chance you’ll be taking a bath in wine. Might as well find something else for your guests to drink.
Someone in the background asks if this man is “qualified to do this.” He responds in the affirmative, but he is clearly lying.
The moral of this story is: Do not operate a large sword while under the influence of alcohol.
“Maybe we should try another one.” Maybe not.
A bigger sword will not make the process any easier.
Slowing down the video will not make you look any cooler.
If you miss the first time, simply turning the bottle around isn’t going to help you on that second try.
In all likelihood, you’ll end up looking foolish in front of your guests.
“Ow! I’m bleeding,” is never a good way to start a party.
“And that’s why we wear the gloves, right?” Wrong. Just don’t try this trick.
Even if you are successful, that bottle top is a missile aimed at bystanders.
Alton Brown knows how it’s really done. Still, just don’t do it, okay?
• All Holidays Coverage [E]