The Butterball Turkey Text Line Answers Your Most Absurd Thanksgiving Questions

Whether it’s your first year making Thanksgiving dinner or you’re an old pro, there are inevitably going to be some questions that arise when cooking a turkey. (After all, most of us only prepare this extra-large breed of poultry once a year.) Thankfully, the kind souls behind the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line are standing by to field your cooking questions, and no query is too big or too small — or too stupid.

The help line has been assisting home cooks with their holiday culinary crises for 35 years now, but this year they’ve added support for a new medium, text messaging, which is obviously a dream come true for telephone-averse millennials. The text line began taking questions Thursday morning, and will continue through Thanksgiving Day to help stave off any potential last-minute kitchen disasters.

We put the turkey text line to the test, and were amazed by 1) how quickly they responded and 2) how cordial they were in the face of truly absurd questions.

Q: I want to make my turkey extra festive this year. Can I put edible glitter in the spice rub I’m using?

A: That is a good question, as long as it is food safe and would not melt it should be fine. You may want to consider adding the glitter toward the end of cooking or just before serving.

Q: My brother’s girlfriend is a vegan. Am I morally obligated to serve her some sort of gross tofu turkey? Can’t she suck it up and eat meat one day a year?

A: Not morally obligated, but it would be charming and gracious to go along. You may want to consult Ask Amy. [Amy’s Kitchen, purveyor of popular frozen vegetarian meals, is hosting its own turkey-free Thanksgiving help line of sorts this year.]

Q: I only have one oven and it's going to be full of yams and dressing. Is there any way I can cook my turkey in the microwave?

A: While we don’t recommend it as the best way of cooking, we do have a way. If you would like, I would be happy to send full instructions to your email. [Unfortunately, it’s going to take "24 to 48 hours" to receive that email; good thing we asked well in advance of the big day.]

Q: I need to defrost my turkey, but it doesn't fit in my refrigerator. I do however have a hot tub in my backyard. Could I use that for a quick defrost?

A: Let me help with that! Place wrapped turkey (breast down) in cold water (from tap) to cover — sink or cooler will work. Allow 30 mins per pound.

Q: So no to the hot tub, huh?

A: We don’t recommend using the hot tub. The most food safe options are Butterball’s recommendations.

Send the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line your text questions now through Thanksgiving Day at (844) 877-3456.

• Butterball Turkey Talk-Line [Official]