Looking to shed some of those pesky holiday pounds? Southern-fried favorite Chick-fil-A has got a solution for you, and surprisingly it doesn't involve the chain's new "superfood" kale salad that was created with the help of chef Ford Fry. Sure to follow in the footsteps of such revolutionary weight loss plans as the Hollywood cookie diet and the so-hot-right-now juice cleanse, 2016 has given us the gift that is the Chick-fil-A nugget diet.
Chick-Fil-A suggests adding "one healthy habit" to your day, like eating chicken nuggets every three hours pic.twitter.com/PO3ADjyWUZ— Rodger Sherman (@rodger_sherman) January 27, 2016
"Kick off the New Year by adding one healthy habit to your routine," the Chick-fil-A bag reads. And what could be more healthy than eating an eight-pack of grilled nuggets — and only grilled nuggets — every three hours like clockwork? At just 140 calories and three grams of fat per serving, this is one diet that's sure to give lightning-quick results, so long as you can steer clear of those sweet, sweet waffle fries.
Like any diet, the Chick-fil-A nugget diet has some strict guidelines which must be followed to obtain the best results:
1) When adhering to the Chick-fil-A diet, do not be tempted to substitute other chains' nuggets or weight loss will be significantly slowed. Eight deep-fried nuggets from Burger King or McDonald's contains 380 calories, more than twice that of Chick-fil-A's virtuous specimens.
2) Do not be tempted to substitute an original Chick-fil-A sandwich: Thanks in no small part to the buttery bun, that admittedly glorious creation contains 440 calories.
3) Be sure to pair your meal with a Diet Coke, which — as Big Soda has "proven" in a very dubious study — is basically just as healthy as water.
4) Remember, Chick-fil-A is closed on Sundays. To mitigate this, purchase double the amount of nuggets on Saturdays and refrigerate them for Sunday.
5) This is no time for Polynesian sauce: Dipping sauces are strictly prohibited, lest you obtain any sort of pleasure from this decidedly monastic way of eating.
6) Figure out ways to cut your spending in other areas, such as canceling Netflix or selling your dog. This diet is not cheap:
@rodger_sherman $3.85 (8-pc grilled nugget) x 6 times a day = $23.10 a day. $23.10 a day x 365 days = $8,431.50 a year. This is possible.— Dakota Moyer (@DakMoyer) January 27, 2016
Eater has reached out to Chick-fil-A for comment on what is surely destined to be the next hot weight loss phenomenon. Taking dietary advice from fast food chains may seem counterintuitive, but just look at the guy who lost 37 pounds eating McDonald's for 90 days! He's now got a lucrative career preaching to schoolchildren nationwide about the health merits of a Big Mac-based diet, much to the chagrin of parents.Eater Video: Popcorn chicken that will transport you to Taiwan
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