Craigslist may be a great place to pick up a used lawnmower, but it's also a refuge for ticket scalpers, puppy mills, and sexual miscreants. Case in point: This personals ad posted by a Food Network-loving deviant in the San Francisco Bay area looking to fulfill a Guy Fieri-themed fantasy. (Anyone under 18 and those offended by culinary euphemisms for intimate acts should close this window immediately.)
My future wife lives in Oakland pic.twitter.com/CFIZIp5Syp— Ryan Broderick (@broderick) January 27, 2016
The posting, which tragically appears to have since been removed, reads: "I have a fantasy where I am Guy Fieri going to a diner on his TV show, I order a spicey [sic] Texas melt with a side of potato wedges, you pull up your skirt and say 'I've got a hot creamy place you can wedge something into'. I've already spent $12k decorating my apartment like a diner so I can host."
Unfortunately, this hopeful love connection may have popped up about five years too late. Back in 2011, a lonely Milwaukee woman took to her local Craigslist "missed connections" in search of a Guy-lookalike, writing, "You were at the Pick 'n Save picking up a bottle of soy sauce. You were as gorgeous as Guy Fieri from Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. I want to drive in to your shop. Respond with 'Sunglasses over back of head' so I know it's you." We can only hope that these two lusty drive-in enthusiasts will one day be united to ride the train to Flavortown all night long. (Or not.)