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Guy Fieri's Newest Restaurant Somehow Got a Real Five-Star Review

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Here are the best lines.

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An editor for the Renegade Rip — the paper for Bakersfield College — decided to review the newest outpost of kewl kulinary dude Guy Fieri's chain, Johnny Garlic's. She gave the restaurant — which recently opened in Bakersfield, California — a glowing five out five stars review. Below, the nine best lines from the earnest and honest write up:

1) On the Kraft Kocktail menu: "I chose the Vickie's Vixen, which is mainly a shot of cinnamon fireball and then rum as well, but the best part was the fact it tasted like a piece of apple pie. "

2) On the olive oil & vinegar served with the complimentary focaccia: "If you have never tried it before, I highly recommend even just tasting it before you dip the whole piece of bread in it, simply because it isn't always everyone's cup of tea."

3) On things she thought were cool: "You can see the main kitchen through a long window in the dining area, which I thought was really cool because it allows you to see your food being cooked and what goes on in a kitchen."

4) On pushing her palate: "I decided to be a little adventurous in my choice of entrée and tried the bacon mac-n-cheese burger with a side of garlic fries. "

5) On pickles: "They were very thinly sliced and looked almost like a cucumber."

6) On garlic fries: "The garlic fries though made my night. No longer do I feel like I have to wait until I go to Dodger Stadium to get the one food that I love."

7) On the genius of Johnny Garlic's: "Thus enter the great idea that Johnny Garlic's has, the fish bowl."

8) On dessert: "I felt like I would go into a sugar coma with how sweet it is."

9) On prices: "The prices on some of the foods seem a little out of price range even for myself, but if you want a great burger $14.50 is the normal price for all of them, except for maybe one or two."

Video: 10 Things You Never Knew About Guy Fieri. Subscribe to Eater's YouTube channel for more videos.