The venerable Alton Brown sat down for a community Q&A with Eater earlier today, and as to be expected, he offered some poignant and cheeky answers. Brown is a Food Network staple: He hosted the popular show Good Eats, which fused science with cooking, and he currently plays host on the competitive reality show Cutthroat Kitchen. His resume also includes several books, and he is currently touring the country on his Alton Brown Live! The Edible Inevitable Food Tour. During the Q&A — in which Brown responded to reader and editor questions — Brown opened up about everything from his favorite drink to his thoughts on Sriracha to future plans for his show (spoiler: it might hit Broadway). Below, the 24 best lines:
1) On children's menus: "Never ever ever ever ever let your kid eat from the children's menu at restaurants and never ever ever make your kid special food to allow them to avoid whatever the family is eating."
2) On MSG: "To tell you the truth, I don't have a problem with it. It's a tool that has it's place, but don't go overboard."
3) On the optimal bread for French toast: "It's not better. Just faster. In fact, I think counter-staled bread is better for applications like bread pudding."
4) On his goals: "My goal is simple...get every American within the sound of my web voice to cook three meals a week. Is that too much to ask?"
5) On his future book: "I have a book about kid's cooking on the desk right now. And another about actually cooking kids. Just joking...or am I?"
6) On a kids version of Cutthroat Kitchen: "There is nothing I'd like more than to make children cry on Cutthroat Kitchen. And of course I'd only give them like $5 to start with (evil laughter)."
7) On being a trained pilot: "Flying is my golf."
8) On single-purpose kitchen appliances: "The only tools that are unitaskers are the ones you haven't figured out a new use for yet."
9) On his favorite drink: "I have to have just one? That's so unfair. But okay... bourbon."
10) On trendy ingredients that are overused: "SRIRACHA!!!"
11) On featuring Michael Pollan and Anthony Bourdain on his podcast: " I seriously doubt any of those guys would give me the time of day. #outofmyleague"
12) On fighting either "a hundred duck-sized horses, or one horse-sized duck": "I'll go with the horse-sized duck. They're typically unstable out of water."
13) On his favorite Korean dish: "I'm a sucker for a good bibimbap."
14) On the end of Good Eats: "I miss Good Eats very badly, and I intend to do something about it."
15) On his biggest kitchen disaster: "I'm not going into detail, but my cooking once caused the evacuation of an entire building. And no, I'm not going to say what, where, or when."
16) On two things he must "ingest" daily: "Coffee. Sardines."
17) On how teens who love to cook should deal with bullies: "Cooking is cool and chicks dig guys who cook. High school will eventually end and those guys who are picking on him will be fat and fretting over the 'glory days' in about 5 years. Your son on the other hand will grow into one damned magnificent bastard. But he has to keep moving forward. Simple as that."
18) On good non-chef careers for those who go to culinary school: "Journalist, critic, teacher, product developer... the list is endless."
19) On his hatred of red velvet cake: "I can just taste that dye and I do not like it Sam I Am."
20) On if he throws secret dinner parties with fellow Food Network stars: "I have heard rumors of legendary club-cooks. Alas, I have never been invited. So the answer is: never."
21) On the future of his live tour: "This particular show will perhaps see a Broadway run at year's end. Then it's back to the drawing board."
22) On what he's currently reading: "I try to tackle something big every tour leg. This time it's Gravity's Rainbow."
23) On how to wear bow ties: "...as far as wearing them, you just freakin' wear them. Collar type is important though, as bows don't look good with spreads."
24) On foods he cannot stand: "Beef liver. I just can't."