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Eight 'Fifty Shades of Grey' Menus That Don't Need to Exist

They're 50 Shades of Ehhhh.

Annie Ray

The movie adaptation of Twilight fan-fiction-turned-successful-erotic-novel Fifty Shades of Grey hits theaters today, just in time for Valentine's Day. It's already inspired a range of products (some branded, some unofficial), including Fifty Shades wine and a parody cookbook. Now, a slew of restaurants are capitalizing on the two colliding events by offering up various themed menus inspired by the film. They're laced with bad puns and too many aphrodisiacs, and some even come with, umm, bedroom accessories. Check out the menus below:

Austin

Alamo Drafthouse's "seductive" 50 Shades of Grey menu ranges from the tame (tomato gazpacho) to the "kinky" Red Room Velvet Cake (a reference to the movie's famed BDSM lair). Drinks include cocktails like the Maiden's Prayer and the Hanky Panky.

Boston

Superfans of the movie can stop by Showcase SuperLux for drinks with saucy/cheesy names like "Inner Goddess Bellini" and "Submissive Sangria" starting today. No, they don't require you say the names out loud.

Dallas

Starting today, Pakpao Thai is serving up a Fifty Shades of Grey-inspired menu filled with awful and obvious double entendres. Called "Thai Me Up: Fifty Shades of Grey," it includes dishes like forbidden rice (get it? "forbidden") panna cotta, "drunk on love" drunken noodles, and "steamy" mussels.

Las Vegas

Whist Stove and Spirits is hosting a dinner and private film screening this Sunday, February 15. The menu is pretty tame, with options like the inherently punny strip steak and chocolate cake doughnuts. There will also be plenty of Champagne on-hand to help customers get through the film.

Lincolnshire, Illinois

For adventurous diners, Sullivan Steakhouse is offering up an aphrodisiac menu consisting of items like oysters on the half-shell, filet medallions with buttered lobster and black truffles, and banana-and-Nutella bread pudding for dessert. There's even a blindfold option, where couples can dine with their eyes covered, to help them pretend no one is watching them eat a Fifty Shades of Grey-themed menu. Best of all, if requested, diners can even take the blindfolds home.

Portland

The Heathman Restaurant & Bar, a real establishment where Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey "share many romantic trysts" in the book, is cashing in on the themed-menu action. Dishes include aphrodisiacs (like oysters), wild salmon, and chocolate desserts, as well as steak frites and bacon-wrapped venison. To wash it all down, the meal comes with a Fifty Shades of Grey cocktail that's adorned with a set of miniature handcuffs.

Washington, D.C.

Farm to Feast Catering is taking things to a new (and probably unnecessary) level with its four-course menu, which includes "lick-worthy" glazed bananas and "tied up" duck breast. To compliment the meal, the package also includes a leather riding whip, gold-plated handcuffs, and a wearable chocolate fondue dessert.

Nationwide

Locations of the iPic Theater chain — which offers full meals with movies — is serving up a Fifty Shades of Grey-themed cocktail. Called the "Red Room of Pain," it's apparently "bondage-inspired," features tequila and ginger syrup, and is available throughout the month of February.

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