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6 Heart-Shaped Foods That Shouldn’t Be Heart-Shaped

Oh, America

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Dairy Queen

American marketing executives are going big this Valentine's Day with all sorts of red and pink-colored foods to tempt your cold, dark heart. But the trend we can't handle? Heart-shaped foods. Heart-shaped chocolates get a pass; the rest of it is a waste of space.

Pizza

Shutterstock

Dozens of pizza places across the country have jumped on this trend, including Papa John's, Domino's, Jet's, Rocco's in Brooklyn, and GG's in Manhattan.

Why it shouldn't be heart-shaped: How are you supposed to cut this thing into slices?

Cake

Payard Patisserie/Facebook

Pastry chef Francois Payard is clearly trying to appeal to the masses here.

Why it shouldn't be heart-shaped: Again, how are you supposed to cut this thing into slices?

Black & White Cookies

Sietsema/Eater NY

Le Gourmet on NYC's Upper East Side makes black and white cookies in the shape of heart all year long for some reason.

Why it shouldn't be heart-shaped: The black and white cookie, a New York classic, is not to be messed with. The perfect — and only —shape it should ever come in is a circle.

Le Creuset

Le Creuset

Why it shouldn't be heart-shaped: There are so many reasons: It will not stack among your other pots. It will not distribute heat evenly. It will not fit neatly atop your burner. The stew that emerges from this pot will not be heart-shaped.

Lasagna

Bucca di Beppo

Bucca di Beppo molds lasagna into the shape of hearts.

Why it shouldn’t be heart-shaped: No nonna would ever go through all this trouble.

Churros

La Churreria/Facebook

Who came up with this idea? New York City's La Churreria apparently.

Why it shouldn't be heart-shaped: How are you supposed to dip this into chocolate sauce when it's in the shape of a heart?

Baguettes

La Farm Bakery

Why it shouldn't be heart-shaped: The French would never allow this.

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