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The Most Absurd Tales From a Fake White House Chef's 'Tell-All'

These stories sound too good to be true because they are.

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Heritage Builders

A new "memoir" from "former White House Chef" Sir Ronnie Seaton details some fairly wild stories from 1600 Pennsylvania. The only issue seems to be they're all total fabrications, notes the New York Post. In Sir White House Chef, published December 1 by Heritage Builders, Seaton claims he served in the White House kitchen for 30 years, from Ronald Reagan to Barack Obama. Unfortunately, inquires into his background reveal the entire book is a work of fiction. Below, per the Post, see four of the best "recollections" from Seaton's book.

On George W. Bush's supposed sobriety: "Seaton claims that throughout his time in the White House, George W. Bush was drinking alcohol and smoking pot regularly, writing that 'President Bush drank a lot of whiskey,' that 'he loved bourbon and beer,' and that they would find 'marijuana butts' when they cleaned up after him. On the next page, Seaton claims that Bush had a one-night affair with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and that Laura Bush knew about it and 'told Dr. Rice she needed to think about leaving her post.'"

On encountering one of Bill Clinton's Secret Service agents on their way to the cleaners: "‘Ooh, that dress,' I commented. ‘It's really long.'

"‘Yeah, we have to take it to the cleaners,' the man answered. ‘It's got a stain on the chest.'

"‘A stain?' I didn't think much about it."

A note from Bush asking Seaton to cook for Queen Elizabeth II: "I George Bush, Jr. have a directive that Master Chef Ronnie Seaton will travel to Buckingham Palace in London, England December 19 and cook the Queen's Christmas dinner. What is your response?"

On receiving knighthood: "I looked up at her and asked, ‘What did you just do?'

"‘I Knighted you. You are now a Knight of my realm.'

"‘But I'm not from England, Your Majesty,' I cried.

"‘Your meal was so impressive that I had to do this for you.'"

The Post looked into Seaton's claims and found that no one at the White House or Buckingham Palace could vouch for his stories. Is this book actually a novel? Satire? The work of a deranged man? Eater has reached out to Heritage Builders for more information.

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