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Food-Themed Christmas Ornaments Have Zero Calories and Oodles of Yuletide Spirit

Deck the halls with iceberg lettuce, fa la la la la, la la la la.

Trendy Ornaments/Shutterstock

Popcorn balls are so 1896. This year, express your Yuletide spirit in a way that more befits your modern foodie prowess by decking out your Christmas tree with a bevy of hand-blown glass ornaments depicting your favorite comestibles.

Replacing the angel atop your Christmas tree with an actual Parma ham is probably not a good idea, but how about a hand-blown glass Parma ham ornament?

Parma Ham Ornament

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Everyone knows oysters are an aphrodisiac. Why not up the sexiness factor of your Douglas fir with a shimmering glass bivalve blessed with a single perfect pearl?

Oyster Ornament

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Got a taste for caviar? Brag about your taste for pricey fish eggs by hanging it on your tree while keeping the real Petrossian stashed far away from your bratty relatives.

Caviar Ornaments

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If, on the other hand, you want your Christmas tree to show you're a down-to-earth man of the people, why not hang a head of iceberg lettuce, the Blake Lively of the food world — that is, bland as hell yet unavoidably omnipresent?

Iceberg Lettuce Ornament

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For the impossibly hip small plates enthusiast: The trendiest cruciferous vegetable of 2015, cauliflower, makes a striking contrast to the usual red-and-green holiday motifs.

Cauliflower Ornament

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Hanging a grilled cheese ornament on your tree says, "I'm cool, but not too cool to publicly display my affections for white bread and processed cheese food."

Grilled Cheese Ornament

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This wedge of moldy blue cheese, on the other hand, could be a smartly subtle way of telling your significant other that they have a foot odor problem.

Blue Cheese Ornament

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Remember how psyched everyone was to finally get a taco emoji? Commemorate one of the most joyous days of the year with this oh-so-realistic shimmering glass version of the relentlessly Americanized Mexican favorite.

Taco Ornament

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Need a little crunch and acidity to go along with all your other food ornaments? These pickle chips should do the trick.

Pickle Ornament

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Buy this majestic purple eggplant ornament to commemorate your love of Grandma's epic eggplant parm — or just to quietly hint to your younger siblings that yes, you do in fact know what that damn eggplant emoji is for.

Eggplant Ornament

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Finally, giving this bottled water ornament a place of honor on your holiday tree is an excellent way to show your friends and family that your palate is much too sophisticated to be subjected to municipal tap water next time they invite you over.

Bottled Water Ornament

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