Last night on the Late Show, host Stephen Colbert explained why he loves Whole Foods: "Because I love organic produce and I cannot stand having money." But he's bummed because Whole Foods has "gotten into a whole lot of organic, all-natural gluten-free trouble lately." After talking about the grocer's latest scandal — in which Whole Foods has been profiting from prison labor — Colbert asks, incredulous, "But I thought everything at Whole Foods was supposed to be cage-free?"
Colbert goes on to pre-apologize for possible future scandals, including:
— "Whole Foods will no longer make our pizza chefs fight in a pit with those wooden panels."
— "From now on, our ground chuck will be labeled properly. We will include chuck's last name so you know exactly who you are eating."
— "It is our solemn pledge that our cashiers will now add up the cost of our products instead of just typing in the highest number they can think of."
Watch the full clip, above.