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Ten More Obvious Names for the Fifty-Year-Old Pop Tart

A good argument for artisanal toast.

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Late last week, David Letterman honored the 50th anniversary of the Pop Tart on The Late Show with David Letterman. He seems entirely unamused while announcing: "Fifty years on grocery store shelves... and by God, it's been a rocket ship to the moon." Then, Letterman launches into a top ten list of the other names company executives had supposedly picked out for the Pop Tart. Perhaps we should call them "Nutrient-Free Rectangles" or "Introductory Pastries" instead? Sadly, a more interesting name will not make the sweet cardboard-like jam pockets taste any better.

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