A would-be thief in Pennsylvania seems a prime candidate for World's Dumbest Criminals: A man who attempted to hold up a pizzeria for $300 was arrested after the threatening note he handed the cashier was revealed to have come off a toilet paper roll from the criminal's very own bathroom.
Eric W. Frey, 29, of Uniontown is charged with walking into Michael Maria's Pizza on East Fayette Street shortly before 8 p.m. Saturday and handing an employee a note handwritten in black ink on a scrap of toilet paper, police said. The note read, "I have a gun. Give me $300," according to court documents. Frey told the employee that another man had "a gun on me right now, and if I don't come out of here with the money, I'm going to get shot," police said.
The cops didn't buy Frey's story about a "large, bearded man" forcing him to take the note to the pizzeria, and "asked to visit his apartment 'to see if his toilet paper matched that of the one used in the robbery attempt.'" Upon arriving there they hit paydirt, finding not only a roll of toilet paper with "writing engraved in it that matched the exact wording" on the TP note from the pizzeria and a pen with ink that matched the note, but also more than three ounces of marijuana and "syringes and spoons containing burned drug residue."
Frey, who shockingly enough "has four unrelated drug cases pending," is now in jail awaiting a January hearing "on attempted robbery, theft and drug charges." Exactly how high he was when he dreamt up the plan for this heist is unknown.