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Guy Fieri Had a Better Year Than You

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Did you open four restaurants and hang out with 50 Cent?

Guy Fieri/Twitter

Kulinary kool dude Guy Fieri didn't rest on his donkey sauce-coated laurels this past year. When not stuffing his face for his show Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives (yes, it's still on), Fieri managed to terrorize a new group of cities with his sashimi wonton tacos. This year, the human lava lamp opened four new restaurants in cities like Las Vegas and Baltimore. While pouring kraft kocktails down the throats of unsuspecting tourists, he also managed teach the world a lot about his famed coif and his passion for yellow cars. Minus a few hiccups — like a journalist accusing him of completely ruining Food Network — 2014 was a good year for the mayor of Flavortown indeed. Below, the reasons why:

Guy Fieri opened a slew of restaurants, all of them in casinos:

Critic Pete Wells' absolute slaying of his New York city restaurant hasn't stopped the spiky-haired food personality from opening not one, but four restaurants this year:

April

Jenna Dosch/Eater Vegas

Guy Fieri's Vegas Kitchen & Bar
The 6,500 square foot Las Vegas counterpart to his New York City flavor palace features decor that only Fieri could pick out: There's massive photos of the man himself, cowhide bar stools, and napkins and plates featuring art modeled after one of his tattoos. As for the food? The menu — which was pre-tasted by Yelpers — is as verbose and over-the-top as the restaurant. Brave eaters can order everything from Shashimi Won-Ton Tacos with "wow-sabi" sauce, wings served with "apocalyptic marinara," and this beast of a cheesecake dessert.

kennejima/Flickr

Shockingly, New York Times critic Pete Wells even had some semi-nice words to say about the restaurant:


If that's not enough for you, it also got an endorsement from fellow human lava lamp/comedian Carrot Top.

And, it serves (a surprisingly enjoyable) breakfast menu which features items like:

1) A bloody Mary served out of a 52-ounce punch bowl
2) Pot pie made from pancakes and berries
3) Stumptown Coffee (!!)


July
Guy Fieri's Chophouse
The dramatic decline of Atlantic City this year failed to faze Fieri from unleashing a brand new eatery, in this case, a steak house. Called Guy Fieri's Chophouse, it's located inside Bally's and serves kulinary koncoctions like "Danger Wigs" and "Steak Bling."

August

Guy Fieri's Baltimore Kitchen & Bar
Fieri opened yet another restaurant within yet another casino this year: The 350-seat Guy Fieri's Baltimore Kitchen & Bar is located inside the recently opened in Horseshoe Casino. Baltimore now has access to Righteous Rojo Rings, Brutha's Badass Caes-Uh Salad, and a Tatted-Up Turkey Burger, obviously.

December
El Burro Borracho
His new Mexican concept, which translates to "the drunk ass," opened in Laughlin, Nevada at the Harrah's late this month. The 4,195 square foot restaurant serves Fieri-fied dishes like Trash Can Nachos and an oddly straightforward Carne Asada Burrito.

Wonder what Fieri will put on his next menu?

Probably something (or everything) from Eater's Flavortown Dish Generator:

While he opened four restaurants, Fieri also suddenly shuttered another one:

Employees of a Sacramento, Calif. location were shocked when a location of Fieri's chain Johnny Garlic's — which is home to an absurd "kraft kocktail" menu — suddenly shuttered in November. They were apparently given no warning and were told it was their last day when they showed up to work. Apparently the lease ran out on the location and the higher ups decided to close the doors because the location "no longer fit in" with the company's vision of Donkey Sauce on everything. While some employees will have the opportunity to transfer to other locations, there unfairly aren't enough spots for everyone.

When not opening and closing restaurants, Guy hung out with his cool celebrity pals including:

Comedian Carrot Top

Carrot Top in da' House!!! #celeb #celebchef #vegas #guyfieri #guyfierivegas #lasvegas

A photo posted by Guy Fieri Vegas @ The LINQ (@guyfierivegas) on


Singer Gene Simmons

Rapper 50 Cent

He had a righteous Thanksgiving spread:

It included six "Turkettas." What is a Turketta? Fieri explains:

"This year I'm stuffing a pork tenderloin inside of a de-boned turkey. So I've got a turkey here, I'm taking all the bones out of it and then hitting it with some sausage, fennel, sage, garlic, red chili flakes, and then I'm rolling it up and tying it off and roasting that whole thing. So that should be interesting."

There were also two hams and kale. From his garden no less.

And he was nominated for an Emmy:

His food network show Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives received a nod for being an "Outstanding Structured Reality Program." Essentially, Fieri got nominated for stuffing his face with copious amounts of food in the most unappealing way possible.

...Even though people believe he ruined Food Network:

Salon's Farsh Askari is no Fieri fan.

"Guy isn't actually cooking on any of those shows. Considering the slop he tries to pass off as palatable, this is actually a blessing. However, he's still there, in our face, gorging himself and ranting like an imbecile on fire."

He made a cameo in The Interview:

Perhaps Emmy's aren't enough for Fieri and he's got his sights set on an Oscar by making a strange cameo appearance in the new (and controversial) movie starring actors James Franco and Seth Rogen.

2014 is also the year humanity collectively learned a lot about Fieri's hair:

Guy Fieri/Facebook

He revealed in an interview that secret behind his signature coif is wax. ("I think it takes fives seconds to get it ready. Just I put the wax in my hair and I rub my hands in it, and there you go!")

He may sport dreadlocks in the next few years.

Though perhaps he should return to his pre-fame mullet.

...which may look better than him with normal hair.

Other things the world learned about the kewlest dude in food this year:

Food Network

1) He has an insane collection of bright yellow cars.  Word to the wise: Don't try to steal one of them or you could be sentenced to life in prison.

2) He loves farro and quinoa.

3) ... and truffle cheese.

4) Food Network hates his fashion sense.

5) He used to do muffler commercials.

The year also brought the world plenty of Guy Fieri-inspired gifts:

Like this beautiful cake modeled after his spectacular goatee-d face.

There was also this genius parody by the team at Conan.

Plus, this list of Guy Fieri pointing at things.

... and the most amazing meta reaction by the man himself.

Best of all, someone took the time to create this incredibly handy browser extension that adds Fieri-isms to all of your favorite websites.

Just in case you were wondering, here's everything Eater called Guy Fieri this year:

America's kewlest food dude
Human lava lamp
Culinary lava lamp
Fluorescent culinarian
Fashionably fierce food dude
Human fireball
Culinary gremlin
Our hero
Fusion sushi specialist
Unstoppable culinary force of nature
NYC dining expert
Flavortown bus driver
The mayor of Flavortown
Shimmering beacon of deliciousness
Kool kulinary dude
The world's knight-in-flaming-t-shirt-armor
Real American hero
The bowling shirt-clad crusader
America's numero uno kulinary gangsta
Donkey sauce slinger

Not enough Guy? Here's a video filled with enough Fieri fun facts to last you a lifetime:

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