Everything about the following sentence is completely real: A man who was arrested for throwing a three-pound chunk of concrete through the window of a Starbucks told police that Joan of Arc, the historical figure, made him commit the crime. According to Channel 3000, 40-year-old Martin J. Donagy was asked to leave a Starbucks location in Madison, Wisconsin on Sunday after he "harassed other customers and created a disturbance inside the shop." Maybe he was just upset that he couldn't get his hands on an over-the-top silver key chain gift card? Or perhaps he was just as mad as singer Neil Young over the chain's relationship to GMOs?
Regardless, Donagy was escorted out as he yelled at employees and made a slew of vulgar comments. Instead of cooling off, he decided it would be smart to throw a piece of concrete through the front window of the Starbucks.
The Daily Cardinal notes that no one was hurt and that the suspect was apprehended shortly after. It was then that he gave his super plausible explanation that "Joan of Arc made me do it." Donagy was charged with disorderly conduct, damage to property, and resisting arrest.