Fall is a busy time for cookbooks, and last week Kardashian family matriarch and notorious momager Kris Jenner dropped her first offering into the mix. In The Kitchen With Kris: A Kollection of Kardashian-Jenner Family Favorites features recipes that are mainly familiar fare like brownies and fried chicken, plus a few Armenian dishes. (Jenner's first husband, famous lawyer Robert Kardashian, was Armenian.) She attempts to emphasize finding cheap ingredients all while advocating recipes that call for truffle butter. The book also contains many "figure friendly" recipes like baked sweet potato fries.
Then the cookbook begins to take a turn for the weird. Just a few pages in there's a recipe for "off-the-charts good" nachos from Nicole Brown Simpson, the murdered wife of OJ Simpson and Jenner's former bestie. The "comfort food" section features just two recipes: One for clarified butter and the other for Cream of Wheat cereal. Jenner also reveals that she has an intense obsession with tablescapes: "As important as the food is the table setting."
Jenner is notorious on her family's reality TV show Keeping Up With the Kardashian's for hiring a personal chef to cook her family's meals, so it's difficult to believe she actually cooks all that much. Whether or not the recipes are good is yet to be determined, but according to one reviewer on Amazon, it's better to "eat the book itself, it will taste better than the recipes within." Below, the 25 most insane lines from In the Kitchen With Kris, out now from Gallery Books (order on Amazon):
1) On her casual taste in dishware: "I am notorious for my table settings and my dishes. If I'm cooking an Italian meal, I will grab my red Hermès china to go with the red sauce."
2) On holiday table settings: "I have five different kinds of Christmas dishes. If you can think of anything Christmas-y that can go on a table, I have it."
3) On the deep importance of table settings: "When I got married, nesting and creating this visual ambience was so important to me. I somehow understood that it would be important to tying my family all together."
4) On her super unique St. Patrick's Day tablescape: "I had the table decorated with shamrocks and gold doings and green beads. It was over-the-top and tasteful at the same time."
5) On her talents: "Some people paint, others make music and dance, I make table settings. That's my way of expressing my artistic and creative side."
6) On flambéing chicken livers: "Don't be scared of flambéing the livers; just keep your wits about you and be safe."
7) On her spicy tomato salsa: "I love this salsa because it's as figure-friendly as it is fabulous. Especially when you think outside the tortilla chip bag."
8) On the benefits of tomatoes: "[They] help protect your skin from the aging rays of the sun! I learned...[this] tidbit while watching How to Live to 100 on the Cooking Channel."
9) On the photo of her with all of her daughters next to the recipe for a Green Goddess dressing: "Here are all my goddesses and one goddess-to-be."
10) On pop star Jennifer Lopez's stove: "J-Lo had this stove that I had never seen before. It wasn't just a stove, it was piece of art. It was the Holy Grail of stoves."
11) On her fridge: "My refrigerator has a personality of its own. (It probably needs its own Instagram account, too.)"
12) On fridge-centered family rivalries: "It has become a family competition to see who has the most organized refrigerator...It really is very funny."
13) On her Shepherd's Pie-Stuffed Mashed Potatoes: "This is old-fashioned ‘Mom Cuisine' at its best."
14) On truffle butter: "White truffle butter is a magic ingredient."
15) On dance party essentials: "Lately, we've been having monthly dance parties at the Jenner House and you'll never guess who I ask to bring the mac and cheese." (Spoiler: it was Kim.)
16) On her cauliflower mash recipe: "This is the Neiman Marcus version of mashed potatoes."
17) On her mushroom stuffing: "This is not Grandma's stuffing. Rich, satisfying, full of flavor, but not so ‘chef-y' that it will raise eyebrows."
18) On sharing recipes: "It's like one huge Valentine to share recipes."
19) On literally keeping up with the Kardashians: "Every time I make this pie, it reminds me of having all my babies running around as I was trying to assemble everything and keep up with them."
20) On pregnancy cravings: "With Kim, I was obsessed with oranges. With Khloé, it was all about the Cheesecake Factory's blue cheese dressing."
21) On her Vienna Finger addiction: "My cravings turned into a full-on addiction, an addiction that I went to great lengths to hide. At night... I'd lock myself in the pantry and eat myself into Vienna Finger bliss."
22) On her pecan pie recipe: "I got it from a really cute pilot named Joey who I knew way back in the day."
23) On her pecan pie recipe, part two: "[The] recipe is as rich as it is delicious. It's not home-fries-cooked-in-grease-rich. But don't-even-try-to-get-into-your-skinny-jeans-on-the-next-day rich."
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