Four days after pastry whiz Dominique Ansel gifted the world with his top secret recipe for Cronuts — the recipe takes three days to complete — the Guardian's Rhik Samadder reports on making Cronuts at home. Samadder followed Ansel's recipe word for word, acquiring the hard-to-find ingredients and amassing an impressive quantity of dairy in preparation for the project.
"I make a massive dough of egg whites, butter and cream. I'm told to proof it somewhere warm and humid, so it can rise. I put it in the bathroom with the shower on. In a few hours it will have doubled in size, and I'll need to put my fist in it, to expel the carbon dioxide. It feels like I'm building a living being. A weird dough baby."
Samadder seems to misunderstand American measurements, and early on it becomes clear that he's not a seasoned baker.
"I roll out my baby. She bubbles and farts, butter spots popping up like subcutaneous acne. I don't have concentric ring cutters to make classic 'doughnut shapes,' so I improvise with a soup lid and tube of Berocca. I won't lie; some of the shapes this creates are an abomination unto God."
Finally, he tastes his creation: "A doughnut exterior housing golden pastry rungs of pure croissant. It's alchemy. I've turned a potato into a pomegranate." On the other hand:
"Three and a half greasy pucks that taste like failure have cost me three days, £30 and one relationship."
Before "nearly" throwing up, Samadder notes that the real reason to make this recipe is that it's "Mount Cro... the gold standard of bragging rights." Then, he snaps a shot to put on Instagram, which is the real reason to do anything.