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The Parts Unknown Granada Episode: Just the One-Liners

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On last night's episode of Parts Unknown, Anthony Bourdain headed to Granada, Spain, home to tapas, flamenco, "feral hippies," and Zero Point Zero cinematographer Zach Zamboni. While there, Bourdain samples the local cuisine and takes in a Semana Santa procession or two, and also nearly gets gored by a calf while learning how to bull fight. Now, on to the Quotable Bourdain — feel free to add your picks in the comments below.

1: On eating in Spain: "Any reasonable, sentient person who looks to Spain, comes to Spain, eats in Spain, drinks in Spain, they're gonna fall in love. Otherwise, there's something deeply wrong with you."

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2: On how times have changed: "You can almost look back through time, and through the mists of history see the Phoenicians marching up across the vega. Or are those feral hippies?"

3: On siestas: "Yes, they actually do take siestas, which is a civilized damn thing to do as far as I'm concerned."

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4: On tapas: "Tapas come from here, and this is one of the few places in Spain where they're still free. All you have to do is keep drinking."

5: On what happens when a calf is tested for bull fighting: "If the calf's not brave, then stew."

6: On why he agreed to learn how to bullfight: "No one likes to look like a pussy on TV, so when El Fandi jokingly suggests I join him in the ring to wave a pink cape at an aggressive young bull who just moments ago charged my cameraman, I said what any idiot would say: si!"

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7: On bullfighting: "It all starts well enough. Hey, this is fun! This is easy! Until I get a horn right up next to my nutsack."

8: On the calf: "This youngster shall live, perhaps to gore future TV hosts with his mighty horns."

9: on a post bullfight meal: "Nothing like a roaring fire and a spread of iberico ham, homemade chorizo, Spanish cheeses, bread, and good olive oil to take the sting out of a near genital mutilation."

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10: On the bar El Tabernaculo: "As best as I understand an Easter-Jesus-and-Mary-themed drinking establishment, where between drinks one can ponder the agony of the Christ. But with sausages!"

11: On free tapas: "If I were a degenerate rot wino, I could still eat well. As long as I could afford my wine, I'd eat."

12: On the pay scheme at tapas restaurants: "So it's all a scam. A couple little nibbles, next thing you know you're ordering two hundred grams of caviar."

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13: On tapas: "We will never have tapas culture in America."

14: On tapas in America: "I want a golden unicorn that shits money. Both of those scenarios are equally likely."

15: On Zamboni's future in-laws: "What this family doesn't realize is that they aren't just gaining a son, but a half-drunk and supremely hungry uncle Tony."

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· All Spain Coverage on Eater [-E-]
· All Parts Unknown Coverage on Eater [-E-]
· All Anthony Bourdain Coverage on Eater [-E-]

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