[Photo: Travel Channel]
Last night was what the Travel Channel insisted on calling the "Season Finale" of The Layover, despite the fact that host Anthony Bourdain has moved on to the newsier pastures of CNN. According to the show's official blog, this was "Anthony Bourdain's Final Layover," which possibly has some disheartening implications for a non-Bourdain hosted Layover.
Anyway, Bourdain headed to Seattle for his Layover swan song, where he ate all kinds of oysters. He also hung out with chefs from Tom Douglas to Matt Dillon to Renee Erickson to, um, chef Jason Franey of Canlis, whom Bourdain incorrectly refers to as "Jeff Franey." At least there's 20 year Pappy on the menu?
And now, on to the (last ever, for real this time?) Quotable Bourdain — feel free to add your picks in the comments below. And don't fret, Bourdainiacs. Eater will do some kind of something, probably, for the new CNN show, Parts Unknown.
1. On Seattle: "For a long time now, one of the best and most interesting food scenes in America, period."
2. On the Tesla he rented while in Seattle: "They've got internet on this motherfucker, I can watch porn while I'm driving."
3. Again, on the Tesla: "Whenever I'm in Seattle, I drive $100,000 worth of rechargeable automobile."
4. On staying in the Beatles Suite at his hotel: "You know I like the Beatles just fine, but is there a Rolling Stones room?"
5. Walking by a restaurant called Cutters: "What after working at Hooters for two years you hate yourself so much, you move to Cutters?"
6. On what to call things if not artisanal: "Jeez, I hate to use the word 'artisanal,' but hand-crafted, carefully selected, locally made just doesn't sound sexy enough, does it?"
7. On the local cheese: "I don't care what kind of hippies made this stuff, or even if they're Dave Matthews fans, this stuff is great."
8. On the fact that his Tesla is very, very expensive: "And it handles crunching the bones of the 99% under its wheels very well. The bumper can handle the impact of a homeless person up to 40 or 50 miles without any visible damage. Keeps its traction even after running over gimps."
9. On souvenirs for his daughter: "Every little girl should have a whoopee cushion. Who doesn't like whoopee cushions? Communists and enemies of America."
10. On Canlis: "This place, you could just imagine Frank Sinatra and Don Draper drunkenly hitting on chicks at the bar."
11. On eating lots of smoked salmon and no cured meats in Seattle: "We're not going to Salumi this trip are we? Unfortunate, because that's really a station of the cross for me. It's a place you want to go, a place you must go."
12. On a Red Light District tour of Seattle: "Whores and drugs? Travel Channel's great."
13. On Seattle's exports: "So it wasn't really a manufacturing town. If you had a principle export it was, like, syphillis."
14. On the bar Shorty's: "A legendary spot that draw all types of personalities, from professional cooks to hipster douchebags."
15. On whether he's willing to hold a knife to some guy's throat at the bar: "Adventures with cutlery and a stranger, I don't know. No.We don't know each other well enough yet."
16. On Seattle's so-called coffee culture: "There is no culture around coffee. Coffee is a beverage, not a culture."
17. On real coffee culture: "A coffee culture would be the shop owners banning together to throw these deadbeats out in the street."
18. On sitcoms from the 90s: "It's that show Friends, it really ruined coffee for everybody."