The Layover's Dublin Episode: Just the One-Liners

Anthony Bourdain took the pint-and-pork-product tour of Dublin on last night's episode of The Layover, but it seems the Travel Channel couldn't get a certain dry Irish stout to pony up enough cash to get a mention or even a logo on screen. That didn't stop Bourdain from pounding pints of Guinness across the city; he just avoids mentioning the beer by name and the logos are all blurred out. Via Twitter, Bourdain called the Travel Channel's decision to cut Guinness out of a travel show to Dublin the "dumbest shit ever."

Anyway, lots of love for the Irish in the episode, during which Bourdain notes that they are less sloppy drunks than the English and better at frying things than the Scots. Now, on to the Quotable Bourdain — feel free to add you picks in the comments below.

1: On who should go to Dublin: "If you've got any kind of a heart, a soul, an appreciation for your fellow man, or any kind of appreciation for the written word, or simply a love of a perfectly poured beverage, then there's no way you could avoid loving this city."
2: On where he's staying in Dublin: "If you're me and on your eighth year of making television, you probably want to live large. Blow it out. Stay at some place swank."
3: On the mystery beer he drinks the whole episode but doesn't name: "This stuff. This delicious, some say magical, probably nutritious, unparalleled beverage, this divine brew is so tasty, creamy, so near chocolatey in its rich buzz giving qualities that the difference between this stuff here and the indifferently poured swill you get where you come from is like night and day. One is beer. The other, angels sing. Celestial trombones."

4: On the Irish being known as drunks: "It is a really rare thing for me when I walk into an Irish pub in Ireland, I almost never see people drinking hard liquor, it's almost always a pint and you don't generally see people anywhere near as drunk as they are in England. I don't see the level of drunken hooliganism you see in England. Usually if there's drunken hooliganism going on in Ireland it's me."
5: On a few of his favorite things: "Any bowl with a bunch of potatoes and meat and bones in it, fucking awesome."
6: On pig's trotters: "Come back to me, my gelatinous love."

7: On nightcaps: "I want to end up swacked in the best way possible before I totter off to sleep in my 9,000 thread count sheets, and I am well on my way."
8: On Irish breakfasts: This is no country to be fucking around with a croissant. Go big, or go home."
9: On how many fucks he gives about cake: "I don't really give a fuck about cake."
10: On blood sausage and eggs: "Blood and Eggs. If I hadn't already written a memoir, I'd call it that."

11: After a group recognizes him and tells him they're hungover: "What am I, the poster boy for alcoholism?"
12: On what someone who's not into books might do in Dublin: "If you could care less about a bunch of over-edumacated Irishmen with big ideas, you could, just prior to writing in Sarah Palin's name for president, visit perhaps the Celtic Whiskey Shop."
13: On what That Beer is good for: "For years, the beer that has no name and shall not be mentioned on this show, it's iconic slogan was 'BLANK is good for you.' Turns out it actually might be, or has been associated with unexpected penile enlargement."

14: On gastropubs: "A gastropub: an idiotic term coined by those who somehow thought a properly poured pint couldn't, or shouldn't, coexist with fine quality food. I, to tell you the truth, used to be just such an idiot."
15: On New York being pretty good, too: "If you hate New York, you hate all humanity."
16: On train-related comedy: "Train related comedy would be your limp feet kicking from underneath the car as it drags you down the street. Flipping flop flop flop."

17: On what Dublin's good for: "I am heading back into the city center for a night of drinking, because after all: what does Ireland do better than any other nation on earth? Pubs."
18: On liking the Italian soccer team: "I'm married to an Italian so my loyalties are clear. Plus I enjoy their what do you call it, their hypochondriacal style of play."
19: On a bunch of guys who take him to the chip shop: "These men are a gift from the Irish drinking gods, they will show me the light, give me guidance, and point me in the direction of the proper late night feast."

20: On Irish fried foods: "I gotta tell you, I thought the Scots pretty much had the deep frying arts covered, but this is pretty extraordinary."
21: On the aftermath of the chip shop: "My bathroom looked like the Do Lung Bridge this morning. If I see the chambermaid in the hall, I'm going to avoid her gaze."
22: On hangover cures: "I don't know if it's the oysters or the vicodin, but one of 'em's working."

23: On pre-flight snacks: "Sausage in a warm crispy crust always equals a good time."
24: On the real reason to go to Dublin: "Put down that glass of horse piss you call beer, hop a flight, and get yourself to Dublin."

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