The Layover's Sao Paolo Episode: Just the One-Liners

On last night's episode of The Layover, Anthony Bourdain went to Sao Paolo, Brazil. Bourdain went to the markets with cabbies and also D.O.M. chef Alex Atala, ate all manner of stewed meats, saw some street art, and went to a love motel by himself. He seemed generally over it the whole time, but he did get really excited about a place famous for serving Brazil's national dish, feijoada. Now, on to the Quotable Bourdain — feel free to add your picks in the comments below.

1: On how big Sao Paolo is: "11 million people in Sao Paolo, and an urban sprawl that makes LA look like Hooterville. It's big."
2: On the family that works at the mortadella sandwich shop: "Three generations of sandwich specialists, responsible for any number of exploded colons."

3: On feijoada: "Big plate of piss poor, poor people food elevated into something that everybody loves."
4: On cooking: "Real cooking is not about taking the best ingredients and through good technique making them even greater, though that's certainly an enormous part of cooking. Any self respecting good cook should of course value good ingredients. But to say that cooking is all about good ingredients, that is dead wrong."
5: On the creating delicious foods of necessity: "Most of the people in the world do not live in the Napa Valley."
6: On being over it: "I can't wait to get home. Curl up in my own bed. Catch up on Mad Men. Steal one of my wife's Vicodin."
7: On the requisite post-feijoada nap: "Sightseeing after feijoada? Inadvisable."

8: On where you might sightsee, if you must: "Estacao da Luz, a pile of 19th century architecture. Once the main entrance to the city, now it's trains, folk dancers, and prostitutes. Enjoy. Me, I want a fucking nap on the good ship lollipop."
9: On soccer: "Me, I could give a shit. David Beckham? He's that guy who married that Spice Girl, Boney or Cranky or whatever her name is. Pele? Can I get one of those at Target?"
10: On the best way to see Sao Paolo: "Try to have a friend in Sao Paolo before you come here. I don't know how you're going to do that?You want someone looking after you here. If you're at the mercy of a concierge, you're in a bad place."

11: On the club district Rua Augusta: "The one time red light district — which technically I guess it still is — but where the clubs are, I hear, and the dancing and the drinking and the teenage pregnancies happen.
12: On where to get drinks: "Z Carniceria, which used to be an old butcher shop, where horny youths might knock back a few Mad Butcher cocktails of vodka, peach liqueur, passion fruit and Tabasco before getting busy doing whatever they do these days."
13: On kids these days: "Good luck and god bless them. In the meantime, get off my lawn."

14: On the roof of his hotel, grouchy for some reason: "Up too early on the roof deck of the Hotel Unique, I need some fucking coffee and possibly some quality time in which to vomit into my bidet. But no."
15: On how to make friends in Sao Paolo: "Perhaps you could form online friendships with others who share your particular niche interests. You know, people into rubber and latex.
16: On his physical well being: "I feel like a fucking stuffed goose."
17: On what he's up to right now: "Struggling to keep from kicking my producer in the collar bone."
18: On what he's planning on doing today: "I ain't moving anywhere other than maybe across the table with an ashtray to brain my producer upside the head."
19: On tips for Sao Paolo: "Safety: Feel free to flash jewelry and expensive clothes anywhere at any time day or night so as to provide a living and petty cash for locals."

20: On buzzy restaurant Mocoto: "The thing about hottest restaurants in town? They usually suck. Thing about this place? it's awesome."
21: On beer pairings: "If you're eating huge wads of deep-fried starchy stuff, you need plenty of beer to wash it down."

22: On going to the love motel: "My producers have decided the Tony-walks-pointlessly-around-the-airport scene can be delayed a bit while I slip into the arms of Morpheus for a few short hours."
23: On the purpose of love motels: "Basically, fuck shacks for adulterers. People who don't want to be seen to be knocking pelvises."
24: On going to the love motel solo: "Is there anything more lonely and twisted than checking into a love hotel alone?"
25: Weighing his options: "I don't know which is worse: coming here with friends or coming here alone."

26: On leaving Sao Paolo: "Beat like a rented and much despised mule, I limp towards the airport."
27: Sao Paolo, in sum: "It's definitely worth doing serious homework before you come here. Sao Paolo can be a pretty inhospitable, intimidating, and densely packed city. But if you look a little further, if you dig a little deeper, if you spend the time, you discover an endless supply of good and interesting stuff."

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