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No Reservations' Rio de Janeiro Show: Just the One-Liners

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Photo: Travel Channel

As the final season of No Reservations begins to wind down, host Anthony Bourdain finds himself in Rio de Janeiro for some beach time, some grilled meats, and lots and lots of caipirinhas. But also mostly to see his wife Ottavia compete in a jiu jitsu match (spoiler alert: she wins). In between all that, he learns a thing or two about kite fighting and somehow manages to wander through a favela police action. Now, on to the Quotable Bourdain — feel free to add your picks in the comments below. And remember, there are just two episodes of No Reservations left: Dominican Republic, and the Brooklyn series finale.


1: On Rio de Janeiro: "What sick freak wouldn't come to Rio given the opportunity? Let's call it what it is: perfection."
2: On what he'll be doing while Ottavia prepares for her fight: "I'm here to fuck around, drink capirinhas and shove food in my face, mostly."
3: On Brazilians: "If you ever want to feel really bad about your body, come to Brazil."
4: On the touchy-feely culture: "Everybody either looks like they're on their way to have sex or they've just come from having sex."
5: On wardrobe decisions: "I'm so glad I don't have my shirt off, I really can't suck my gut in this long."
6: On coming to terms with his decision to not wear a bathing suit: "Look at that fat guy hit the water. I feel better about myself already."


7: On what you do at the beach: "Really this beach is about getting shit-hammered on caiprinhas, looking at women you're never going to sleep with, and getting a serious fucking sandwich."
8: On who might like the beach in Rio: "Well I think we've learned something today: if you can't be happy eating a moist, roast pork sandwich, drinking a caipirinha, with this view in the background, in a sea of oily tight buttocks, you've really got a problem. Or you're a Republican."


9: On his regular beach spot, if he lived in Rio: "I wonder what my beach would be. I don't want to know. It's like going to an Elvis Costello concert, I look around and it's like Jesus, look at all these ugly old fuckers. And then I realize, oh, that's me."
10: On what it's like being married to some who's into martial arts: "When Ottavia gets all girly when we go out to dinner, and she's in a backless gown, a short dress, there are recognizable finger patterns on her arm. And they're all looking at me like I'm the bad guy. If they only knew."
12: At the all-night grilled chicken place: "Drunks, hookers, johns: I guess everybody loves chicken."


13: On nightcaps: "Just what I did not need after a long day of getting up close and personal with many, many caipirinhas: a few shots of a fine cachaça."
14: On the time: "Beer o'clock: when is it not, I ask you?"
15: On dealing with nerves before Ottavia's fight: "So what's on the menu? Over-the-counter prescription drugs? I would like to crush some Vicodin over this fish please. Could I have a side of percodan?"


· All No Reservations Coverage on Eater [-E-]
· All Anthony Bourdain Coverage on Eater [-E-]

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