Liveblogging the Premiere of The Chew

This afternoon ABC premieres The Chew, a new "foodie" daytime talk show that replaced (and some say killed off) the venerable soap opera All My Children. Here now, the liveblog:

1:01 One minute in, and we already have Michael Symon exposing himself:

1:03: Mario Batali opted not to appear for the premiere. Instead he's playing golf for a charity. He's, uh, phoning it in:

1:05 Who is this again?

1:07 This is feel-good tv. Michael Symon's mom is in the house:

1:09 They're quoting the Times about how much meals cost:

1:12 Commercial break! HOOTIE HOOO BREAK:

1:14 Symon is making people eat his food. They're also addressing him as "Iron Chef Michael Symon"

1:15 TOPICAL CHAT TIME. People are spending more money on pre-made cocktails and cheesecake.

1:17 They're promising "Oz family secrets." BACK TO A COMMERCIAL ALREADY? Guess they have to have to pay $$$ for Mario Batali's 30-second appearance.

1:18 The only food advertisers so far: Pillsbury, Progresso soup, and Hershey's.

1:22 Daphne Oz is doing her segment: Things My Much More Famous Dad Taught Me. She's using words like anti-oxidants.

1:23 Surprise: Dr. Oz shows up with flowers. Parental unit #2 in the house:

1:24 Dr. Oz is talking about how when Daphne was born she was as blue as a blueberry?

1:25 Psyllium husks? What.

1:26 Now they're talking about feeding your kids blueberry smoothies (because it's a "fun, purple color")? Good luck with that.

1:28 Another commercial. Candy. More Pillsbury.

1:30 Wait this is not a real product: Does Mario Batali approve?

1:33 That was literally a one-minute segment in which Michael Symon talked about how microplanes are his "favorite." Back to commercials?

1:35 Carla Hall is making pancakes. Her mom is here. Parental unit #3.

1:37 Might be the quote of the day from Carla Hall: "You guys are all coveting my box." (She's talking about a recipe box.)

1:30 Carla Hall's apple pancake fritter things are also economical:

1:41 Here we go. Commercials for junk food: Hersey's chocolate syrup and Totino's pizza rolls. Here are the ingredients to Hershey's syrup:

HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP; CORN SYRUP; WATER; COCOA; SUGAR; CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF: POTASSIUM SORBATE (PRESERVATIVE); SALT; MONO- AND DIGLYCERIDES; XANTHAN GUM; POLYSORBATE 60; VANILLIN, ARTIFICIAL FLA HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP; CORN SYRUP; WATER; COCOA; SUGAR; CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF: POTASSIUM SORBATE (PRESERVATIVE); SALT; MONO- AND DIGLYCERIDES; XANTHAN GUM; POLYSORBATE 60; VANILLIN, ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR

Does Daphne Oz approve?

1:44 Said Clinton: The Chew is a "party in the kitchen every day." Also: "I've been entertaining since I was 9 years old."

1:46 It's entertaining time. Which means mini-food. Like mini-BLTs:

1:48 Looking forward to future guests this week: Paula Deen, Joy Behar, and Whoopi Goldberg. COMMERCIAL BREAK.

1:49 Why would you go to this show if you didn't get to sit at the food table?

1:53 So many commercials. oof.

1:55 Mario is making pizza on the golf course.

1:55 What kind of golf course has a wood-fired pizza oven? #richpeoplethings

1:56 Mario breaks out the pepper grinder:

1:57 Batali had the better part of four whole minutes to explain the secrets of how to cook pizza. That is not a lot of time? Anyway, the pizza:

2:00 Will Batali ever show up on set? Or will it always be remote or pre-recorded segments? Unclear. Anyway, it's over. Will you watch this again?

· All The Chew Coverage on Eater [-E-]