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Alton Brown Does Not Want Your Hugs

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Original image: MrGuilt/Flickr

In preparation for his upcoming book tour, omnipresent Food Network personality Alton Brown put forth this 1,289-word "Fanifesto" on his personal blog that lists the various ways in which he does and does not want to interact with you.

To summarize: Pictures are OK (though not with camera phones); asking him to talk to your mom on the phone is not. Don't expect him to respond to your social media post (his relationship with Twitter is tempestuous anyway), or make physical contact with you. It's a germ precaution, he says, "Please respect this effort by not asking me for a hug." Blocking his exit paths and approaching him in the restroom are also verboten.

Lest you think he sounds obnoxious, Brown notes that he always stays until every last book has been signed, and 99 percent of fans are "completely cool" and "respect my space and time as I do theirs." Then there's that other 1 percent:

Fanatics who develop a sense of entitlement, a sense that their heightened level of fandom puts me in debt to them. I don’t see it that way. If you bake me a pie, draw me a picture or design a website about me, that’s great. I appreciate it very much. But I don’t owe you a darned thing unless you want $12 for the pie, which is probably fair. Be forewarned though: I usually don’t have any money on me.

Also, the TV personality will "autograph just about anything", as long as it's not alive. He even clarifies, "I’ll sign your cast but not your arm." If any of these directives seem "vague or confusing," Brown invites you to print out his manifesto "and we'll review when we meet. " Perhaps he'll even sign it...unless you ask him about it in the men's room.

· My Fanifesto [Alton Brown]
· All Alton Brown Coverage on Eater [-E-]

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