Fake Italian restaurant chain Olive Garden is doing the unthinkable: According to Nation's Restaurant News, the company is taking french fries and milkshakes off the children's menu and swapping them out with grapes and fruit smoothies. Is it an attempt to save the nation's fattie children, or is it just to escape the evil Democrat plot to enslave everyone by legislating things like menu labeling or, gasp, healthier food options?
Let's not even get into the fact that the 754-unit chain is (or was) serving french fries and milkshakes to America's children. Because what's more Italian than fries and shakes? This menu change makes it obvious that Olive Garden hates America and its national vegetable, the french fry.
Apparently the french fries had previously been served with chicken fingers, and now the kids will get chicken fingers with spaghetti instead (which is somewhat more Italian?). And the new smoothies — in the flavors of Strawberry, Wild Berry, and Peach-Mango — were clearly inspired by the hilly Tuscan countryside in which their cooking school is located.
And why grapes? Because they're supposedly "nutritionally better kids' finger food that will keep kids engaged." One thing's for sure: This is all Jamie Oliver's fault.