In last night's episode of The Layover host/loveable curmudgeon/sunglasses connoisseur Anthony Bourdain went to Rome, where he challenged a pizzaiolo to make a delicious Hawaiian pizza and also got mistaken for Gordon Ramsay. Below, Bourdain's official stance on hipsters, health food, tourists, and all kinds of poop talk. On to the Quotable Bourdain — feel free to add your picks in the comments.
1) On why you should take a taxi in Rome: "Termini station is the massive transportation hub of Rome, and it's the center of suckdom as far as I'm concerned."
2) Bourdain's best Roman travel tip: "You should know a Roman. In a perfect world, we all would."
3) On the importance of budgeting stomach space: "You could have that delicious, ubiquitous hotel breakfast I guess, but you are seriously a fucking idiot if you do. You will be needing that real estate for good food, not room temperature eggs."
4) Bourdain's official stance on hipsters: "I hate hipsters."
5) On eating porchetta: "Oh, and this was just a late-morning snack. I still have a lunch date to attend."
6) On why one might take the Metro: "But Tony, I hate walking. Or I left my scooter at Cinnabon."
7) On his life back home: "Generally in my life I am picked up by a Lincoln Town Car and taken behind tinted glass everywhere I want to go, isolated in a pod from humanity."
8) When asked by some Romans on the bus if he's Gordon Ramsay: "I'm much nicer."
9) Poop talk with Anthony Bourdain: "I tell you I've been eating so much, my ass is like chapped raw. It's like fucking steak tartare down there. I've been shitting like a fucking mink."
10) On American pizza: "Have you seen this shit? Hawaiian Pizza? I cannot fucking believe it. Pineapple and ham."
11) On the guide book his producers have put together: "Let's see what exciting facts they've provided me for this episode of interminable layover."
12) On his tip for traveling to Rome: "Do not make television when in Rome because it will really suck all of the joy out of the experience."
13) On when to go to Rome: "If, like me, you like watching ugly tourists waddle past, slowly frying in the summer sun, July is fine."
14) On pizza dough: "This is magic, I can tell. [In an Italian accent:] She is breathing, like a woman."
15) On particularly delicious Roman pizza: "Leave your family. Abandon your children. Touch yourself. You know you want it."
16) On the ham and pineapple pizza he gets in Rome: "That should not have been good."
17) At the Negroni bar: "There's a free buffet for college students to fill up between drinks and unexpected pregnancies."
18) On post afternoon cocktail activities: "I'm ginned up and looking to indulge my obsession with classic Italian sunglasses."
21) On being served horse meat: "Oh, stop it. We may not eat horse meat in the States but we kill them by the droves and sell the meat to Canada, hypocrites."
22) Deciding whether to climb the Spanish Steps: "I feel like a fucking sausage. Come on, let's go."
22) On nutrition: "There are these fruit stands where you can indulge your need for melons or berries or some healthy shit. Me, I'm sticking with street meat."
· All Rome Coverage on Eater [-E-]
· All The Layover Coverage on Eater [-E-]
· All Anthony Bourdain Coverage on Eater [-E-]