Oh, what a year it was for drinking. While 2010 was all about the arms race for the highest ABV beer and the Four Loko national freakout, 2011 was just about getting everyone drunk. This year saw America become a nation of drunkards: drinks marketed to women invaded the market; and the country's youth invented all kinds of ways to torture/intoxicate themselves (including vodka tamponing). Also, a whole lot of perfectly good alcohol was needlessly destroyed. Below, pick your poison.
Just For Kids
Don't kids just come up with the craziest/most horrific/dangerously intoxicating ways to illegally get buzzed? In 2011, they shoved vodka-soaked tampons into every orifice, mutated poor innocent gummy bears by soaking them in liquor, and nursed their hangovers on inhalable caffeine dispensers. The gummy bear thing is kind of neat?
Kids weren't the only ones having fun with drinking in 2011. Boozologists eradicated sober picnicking, Alton Brown taught America the fine art of champagne sabering, both typewriters and slot machines learned how to mix drinks, and some guy managed to catch a foul ball with a full beer.
Historically, women have been too sober, and in 2011 several products attempted fix that problem. These beverages were marketed to either appeal to a woman's preternatural fear of bloat — one was bloat-resistant, another gives you "less of that bloaty feeling," or utilized that known lady magnet, the cupcake. There was even a cupcake/cocktail hybrid called the "cuptail."
Americans got drunker this year: they got drunk in America's drunkest city of Fresno, California, they drank a lot of wine, and they drank so much Dogfish Head the brewery had to pull it from four states. And yet apparently 72% of restaurant goers order nonalcoholic drinks? Guess everyone's drinking at home.
A lot of great booze was destroyed in 2011. In memoriam: 6,810 bottles of wine were destroyed all at once in a Wisconsin liquor store, a bunch of cocktails were blown up in the name of film, a guy in lederhosen attempted to set a record for carrying beer but instead dropped it all, and two bars — one in Ireland, one in Ohio — were the victims of rampaging wild animals.
Miscellaneous 2011 Drunk News
· New York Winery Selling 9/11 Memorial Wine for $19.11
· Vodka-Powered Chocolate Milk Is For Adults, Really
· Minnesota Restaurant Liquor Supplies Low
· Trendwatch: Teboozing
· Chicago Man Found Drunk in Beer Truck
· LivingSocial Deal: Shoot Semi-Automatic Weapons, Drink Tequila