Parents of America, do you know where your children are? Eater does: sucking down alcoholic whipped cream between bites of boozy gummy bears taken after inserting vodka-soaked tampons into their nether orifices, but only because they haven't yet gotten their hands on AeroShots inhalable caffeine dispensers. Yet.
Ushering America's children swiftly down their already well-trodden path to depravity, AeroShots were set to be released in Boston and New York next week. That is, until the American Academy of Pediatrics and U.S. Sen. Charles Schumer stepped in to save America's children from sure self-destruction.
When asked for a quote at the latest underground Skrillex gig, club scene staple Schumer said of AeroShots: "The product is nothing more than a club drug designed to give users the ability to drink until they drop." It's basically the Four Loko ban-athon all over again.
The Boston Herald reports that AAP president Robert Block has written a letter to Aeroshots pleading with them not to cavalierly hand American youth the ultimate tool of their own undoing:
“Your website promotes the use of this product in establishments that serve alcohol,” Block wrote. “These concerns are exacerbated by a marketing video found on your website that appears to promote AeroShot as a party drug. Mixing caffeine and alcohol is dangerous and potentially life-threatening, particularly for adolescents.”
Research shows that AeroShots, when consumed, immediately cause significant increases in rates of teen pregnancy, truancy, gang violence, bullying and refusal to eat vegetables.