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The Layover's Hong Kong Episode: Just the One-Liners

Photo: Travel Channel

Last night's episode of The Layover found our cranky hero Anthony Bourdain in Hong Kong, where he got a "sinister" suit made and talked about poop a lot. Also, Bourdain pondered the power of Jägermeister, wondered what's up with Owen Wilson, and revealed the secret of running a successful pizza restaurant. Now, on to the Quotable Bourdain — feel free to add your picks in the comments.

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1) On what's wrong with you: "If you can't enjoy Hong Kong for a few hours or days, there's no hope for you."
2) On calling the shots: "This is the 'Tony sits alone at table shoving meats in face' scene."
3) On what's better than bacon: "I know I talk a lot about how much I like pork and how it's wonderful and how pork is the best thing ever. But in fact, in fact, the best thing ever? Is actually goose."
4) More poop talk from Anthony Bourdain: "It's good to be back in Hong Kong again. If only there weren't blood in my stool, this would be a perfect morning."

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5) On what he looks for in men's fashion: "I want my mother to hate this suit."
6) Travel advice from Anthony Bourdain: "Carry a packet of tissues with you as you will be shitting uncontrollably."
7) On a frozen mango drink: "Sort of the color of a Snooki or Owen Wilson. Can't even look at Owen Wilson any more, ever since I found out all he cares about is, like, rimming."

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8) On a giant clever in a market: "That looks cool. I don't think I'll be dismembering a body in my apartment any time soon but you never know."
9) On his audience: "I knew the people who make the show with me hate me, but I didn't know the audience did too."
10) On a tour guide explaining Hong Kong over a loudspeaker on a boat: "See this is the sort of thing I would tell you if I were good at me job. Let's make our own tape filled with lies."
11) Some legal advice from Anthony Bourdain: "If you're going to be arrested in the state of New Jersey, try not to be wearing nunchuks when you are."

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12) On public consumption: "I am pleased to learn you can drink pretty much wherever the hell you want in Hong Kong."
13) On authenticity: "Look at that fucking squid! Is that a fake squid or a real squid?"
14) On eating the real/fake squid: "It's like trying to eat mercury!"

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15) On elixirs and drinking games: "I don't know if it's these crazy Hong Kong rules or if Jaegermeister gives me super powers, but I magically win again."
16) On winning: "What can I say? I'm just not a loser."
17) On Lamma Island: "Lamma Island, only recently discovered by Bruce Lee and famous for its yearly martial arts tournament operated by the one-armed, evil dictator who rules over the island. I could be wrong."
18) On how to run a successful pizza establishment: "Just hire an Italian front man, make a big deal out of the fact that you're getting all your flour and even your water out of Italy, brick oven, they even ask for more than two toppings you throw them out, make them wait on line for an hour and a half, and when you run out of dough, you shut down...They'll go batshit."

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19) On layovers: "Layovers suck. They are lonely, disorienting, and I wouldn't wish a whole series of them upon my worst enemies. But if you have to do a layover, do it in Hong Kong."

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· All Hong Kong Coverage on Eater [-E-]
· All Layover Coverage on Eater [-E-]
· All Anthony Bourdain Coverage on Eater [-E-]