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Fake Exit Interviews: Tracey Bloom Speaks In Clichés, Chuckles

The grandees at Bravo won't let us in on their exit interview bukkake. Don't make us none. We're still going to be interviewing the Top Chef flunk outs. Just in our minds.


Tracey, I'm deeply sorry that you left Top Chef under the circumstances which you did.
Me too, but, yeah well, you know?it is what it is. To each his own. It's a blessing in disguise. I ain't got no chip on my shoulder. A drop in the bucket. Jumpin' Jack Flash.

Are you really clairvoyant?
Yeah well, it is what it is. I have the veil. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. I don't make no bones about it there's a method to my madness. It's not all mumbo jumbo, heh heh heh.

What exactly did you see Andrea's husband doing, in your future mind?
Everything but the kitchen sink, doing the full monty, excuse my French. It is what it is. Or soon shall be. This too shall pass. Heh heh heh heh.

And the other issue I think we should address is your sexual wantingness of Angelo Sosa who, as a man, would fall outside your traditionally lesbianic purview.
I really let the cat out of the bag on that one. Well, you know me, I like to go down like a lead balloon and hit the nail on the head. A-hanza panza rice-a-roonie. Heh heh heh heh.

Did you feel like you were set up to fail in the sense that you were competing with chefs who have a great deal more experience than you do, not to mention accolades like Michelin stars and the like?
Rome wasn't built in a day but sell me short? Over my dead body! I might be wet behind the ears but I'm not spring chicken. Besides, the bigger they are, the harder they fall. As far as a level playing field goes, Angelo might have been more skilled at queering the pitch but there is more than one way to skin a cat. Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh.
Heh heh heh heh.

I guess finally all I'd say is: You seemed very ready to accept failure, like it was reinforcing some idea you had of yourself as failure itself personified. But it's okay to show that you are hurt and disappointed. People will still like you. It's okay not always to be friendly. You will still belong. People will still want you to belong. I guess I'm saying: tell it like it is, you won't be twenty three skidoo.
You and me kid, we're peas in a pod. Heh heh heh heh. Later, Alligator.

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