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Chipotle to Colonize England, Europe in Fast Food Invasion

American-owned fast food purveyor of faux Mexican cuisine Chipotle Mexican Grill is landing on the fabled chalky shores of Dover in an effort to insinuate its cheap burritos into the gullets of chalky chubby Brits. In addition, Taco Bell, maker of simulacra ethnic cuisine and exporter of edible appropriated culture, is close behind. Ruby Tuesday has already sent an early reconnaissance mission. It's like the Revolutionary War but in reverse and with food. It's the American Dream, David Cameron. FUCKING REAP THE WHIRLWIND!

According to The Independent, Chipotle, which just opened a store in May in London; Ruby Tuesday, which did so in Cardiff; and Taco Bell which will do so in Essex [Please Google Essex Girls at this point.] form a trifecta of calorie whawha American imperialism. And England is just the bridgehead. Last month, Steve Ells, the founder of Chipotle, warned of a continental expansion, saying, "We think the prospects are very good for Chipotle in London and around Europe."

But lo, caveat emptor. This is the MacArthurian return for Taco Bell, which was expelled from the continent in the 90's after a crushing culinary failure. Wendy's, also failed, has yet to return. One reason why? Brits are more interested in banks and money than Burrito Bowls and Oriental Chicken Salads.

[F]ood service outlets, including hospitality and pubs, account for between 5 and 10 per cent of floor space on the UK high street, compared with up to 85 per cent for primarily retail as well as banks and travel shops....In contrast, food service swallows up between 15 and 20 per cent of the space in US shopping malls and retail parks.
Good news for Taco Bell: Since, in these new times of austerity, there's no money in the banks nor funds to travel, Taco Bell might be the closest thing Brits get to a trip to Mexico.

· A triple helping of American fast food [Independent]