Last night's episode of South Park, "Creme Fraiche," was the story of modern-day suburban sexual frustration channeled into unhealthy food obsessions and celebrity worship.
Randy Marsh (Stan's dad) is addicted to the Food Network to the degree that he masturbates to Guy Fieri eating ribs (in front of his children, no less). That's why they call it food porn? At one point, he even calls a 1-900 Food Network phone sex line. "I'd take some red wine, and a wooden spoon, and I'd deglaze the fuck out of that pan," he pants to the other person on the line.
His wife, now abandoned, absconds to a resort with a domineering artificially-intelligent electronic Shake Weight, the as-seen-on-TV exercise device that makes it appear as though one were performing a hand job. Randy doesn't notice that she's gone, quits his geologist job, and starts work as the school cafeteria chef. His aim is a cooking show of his own — "Cafeteria Fraiche" — with theme song and all.
The kids, infuriated that on Pizza Day they're getting potato-encrusted scallop with lobster foam as a starter and a deconstructed Asian slaw on flat bread, enlist Cartman to impersonate Gordon Ramsay — quite well, in fact — in an attempt to torment Randy into giving up his new-found cooking career.
Oh but then Bobby Flay shows up and challenges Randy to a Throwdown, and a cavalcade of food television celebrities saunter in, including Alton Brown, Paula Deen, Masaharu Morimoto, Mario Batali, Giada De Laurentiis (with her "perky tats and gigantic head"), and a weepy Jamie Oliver. And it is no mere Throwdown, but instead a "heavyweight culinary battle." We are thrust into a show called Hell's Kitchen Nightmares Iron Top Chef Cafeteria Throwdown Ultimate Cookoff Challenge.
Then, the story lines collide: Randy's wife returns home after having learned a lesson from the needy, spooging Shake Weight: To quell her husband's lustful and self-destructive wanderings into the land of food porn, all he needed was the fulfillment of an impromptu Old-Fashioned. And then he just gave up the stupid hobby and fell asleep.
Check out the somewhat NSFW video clips below:
Video: South Park: Watching the Food Network
Video: South Park: The Food Network Sex Hotline
Video: South Park: Randy's Cooking Show "Cafeteria Fraiche"
Video: South Park: Cartman as Gordon Ramsay
Video: The Heavyweight Culinary Battle