Chris Voigt, Executive Director of the Washington State Potatoes Commission, has vowed to eat 20 plain potatoes for 60 days in an attempt "to remind the public about the nutritional value of potatoes."
Make no mistake: This is a Grade-A stunt, but Voigt had no idea what he'd gotten himself into. He started October 1st; he's almost over the hump. Only 33 more days to go!
His original promise was to eat only plain potatoes. "No toppings, no chili, no sour cream, no cheese, no gravy, just potatoes and maybe some seasonings or herbs and a little oil for some of the cooking," he wrote on his website.
But Voigt's blog reveals an increasingly broken and desperate man. See the posts (no permalinks, ugh) in which he frets about things like having to eat four pounds of potatoes before going to bed. Who worries about such things? But worst of all, he even — gasp! — started cheating and used toppings like Taco Bell hot sauce and balsamic vinegar.
His stunt makes us concerned for his health: At a Thai restaurant to celebrate his son's ninth birthday, there were no potatoes. So he was left to eat a 1/2 oz bag of potato chips. They were expired. He ate them anyway.
His stunt makes us grossed out: One day's meal was composed of three small bags of chips for breakfast, one baked potato for lunch, and an order of french fries at McDonald's for dinner.
His stunt has resulted in even more gross stunts: His wife made him potato ice cream by blending riced potatoes and ice and putting it in freezer. Topped with an ersatz chocolate sauce composed of a 1/2 cup cocoa powder, a 1/2 cup artificial sweetener, and water. What love will do!
His stunt makes us worried. Very worried: He told the Tri-City Herald about Tuesday. Tuesday was a bad day. Voigt really wanted a pickle. What does a man, who commits to eating only 20 potatoes a day for 60 days, do when he wants a pickle? Does he say, "Screw this stunt!" and just eat a pickle? No. He does not. He soaked a potato in pickle juice. And then he ate the potato.
We pray for you, Chris Voigt. We pray for you.